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Post by SweatShop on Oct 3, 2006 19:37:39 GMT
I care more about Honey and Billy than I do about Minty and that australian harpie SJ.
I mean, I thought the point of soaps is that you give a fuck about what happens to the characters, but at the moment I wish Minty, and SJ even more so, would just fuck off and die.
What a shit storyline with even shitter characters.
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Post by Rad on Oct 6, 2006 13:22:39 GMT
Get Pat and Phil married again (maybe even to each other) and then divorced again so the poor Square lawyer (Marcus??) who used to be in the House of Elliott and hasn't been seen for an eternity due to the lack of recent divorce action can actually afford to eat again. Maybe even get Pat and Phil to have a competition to see who can get married the most times by 2010. (Have they each been married 4 times now or is it more than that?)
Stop killing off top characters who've already left off-screen (Angie, Cindy, Kathy and so on) thus destroying the possibility of killer comebacks.
Allow at least one couple to stay together and never divorce or have an affair (this is almost impossible for EE, I know). And put an embargo on one of them dying from a tragic early death until they have been in the show at least two years.
Have some plotlines that don't revolve around dodgy business dealings or adultery.
Bring back Billy Jackson. It won't make EE any worse and it might stop Hollyoaks being shit.
Being back Carol Jackson while we're at it. And her sister April and Nikos. And Belinda Slater, who ought to get a chance at being a proper character.
Get Ian Beale to host an Apprentice-style contest to find someone to run one of his chip shops (does he still have chip shops?).
Bring back evil demon child Steven Beale and have him go on a Robert Robinson-style revenge rampage of kidnapping, killing, blowing things up and hiding in rose bushes.
And then bring in Heavenly Hiraanii TigerLily or whatever the baby that killed Cindy was called so that BobGeldofBeale has a full set.
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Post by xenomaniac on Oct 6, 2006 13:38:15 GMT
Bring back Billy Jackson. It won't make EE any worse and it might stop Hollyoaks being shit. Genius!
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Post by thelovelykate on Oct 6, 2006 13:45:26 GMT
Get Pat and Phil married again (maybe even to each other) and then divorced again so the poor Square lawyer (Marcus??) who used to be in the House of Elliott and hasn't been seen for an eternity due to the lack of recent divorce action can actually afford to eat again. Maybe even get Pat and Phil to have a competition to see who can get married the most times by 2010. (Have they each been married 4 times now or is it more than that?) Marcus left in an unseen blaze of glory after ripping off Sam in a really convoluted way. Him not being about directly contributed to her going to jail for the murder of Dirty Den (I didn't understand why - it was too confusing). The Mitchells are currently (shock horror) without a 'brief'.
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Post by Rad on Oct 6, 2006 13:47:38 GMT
that must have been during gangsta-era EE. I boycotted it for that whole time because it was too shit for words. Not that I am saying it is much better now.
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Post by thelovelykate on Oct 6, 2006 14:14:19 GMT
The only good thing about ganster era EE was when Andy died which was great in itself as it meant he could no longer bore us to death with his shit obsession with Kat but was also great because of the will reading episode when he left the bookies to Dennis and the house to Pat and nothing to Sam except loads of insults which his solicitor had to read to her.
Eastenders would be less shit if more people slagged each other off from beyond the grave.
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jem
Su Pollard
Posts: 473
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Post by jem on Oct 6, 2006 15:08:35 GMT
Emma Thompsons sister came into it last week (or maybe the week before) as the new Mitchell lawyer.
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Post by MoondialSlater on Oct 6, 2006 21:03:13 GMT
Eastenders would be less shit if more people slagged each other off from beyond the grave. I've got my fingers crossed for Pauline's will. All that bitterness in one final hurrah, especially if Martin gets back with Sonia.
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Post by Bungle on Oct 7, 2006 21:15:33 GMT
Do we know how/when Pauline's leaving yet?
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Post by Rad on Oct 7, 2006 21:24:07 GMT
Christmas Day I believe. There are various rumours of a grisly demise but these could be a BBC smokescreen covering up the true happy ending. Perhaps.
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Post by Nurse Dunkley on Oct 7, 2006 21:39:16 GMT
Eastenders can never be happy on Christmas Day, so there's no way she'll die.
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Post by Bungle on Oct 7, 2006 22:09:24 GMT
I want grisly!
A freak turkey carving accident. Joe is so appalled by her misuse of the the electric carver he bought from the market that he tries to wrestle it from her, only for Pauline to trip, with Joe falling on top of her, impaling her with said implement. In shock and grief he tried to pull it out by the cord only for it to snap and electrocute him (he's leaving too, no?).
I like it!
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Post by Rad on Oct 7, 2006 22:21:28 GMT
Maybe Camilla Parker Bolwes wannabe Mrs hewitt will come back and she, Pauline and Sonia will embar on some sick and torrid threesome and go to live in the country, taking Joe and Martin with them as, oh, I don't know, I've run out of steam now. Use your own imagination.
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Post by Steven on Oct 8, 2006 14:58:38 GMT
"If you have been affected by any issue in this programme, please firebomb BBC TV Centre for its cack-handed approach to tackling it." It's not that I don't support this theory or anything, but if you firebombed TV Centre you'd kill a lot of innocent people - EastEnders production takes place miles away in Elstree.
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Post by Cherubic on Oct 9, 2006 10:35:45 GMT
Guilt by association.
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Post by klee on Oct 9, 2006 10:40:43 GMT
It's not that I don't support this theory or anything, but if you firebombed TV Centre you'd kill a lot of innocent people - EastEnders production takes place miles away in Elstree. Perhaps an incendiary device mailed to the Eastenders storylining department would do it. 'Smart' bombing - if you will.
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Post by Rad on Oct 15, 2006 11:53:24 GMT
the actor who played geoffrey the sarcastic butler in the fresh prince is coming into ee as some mate of patricks. this is an error. what they should do is bring him in as geoffrey and have him take turns at being the sarky butler for each family. that would be ace.
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Post by velocitygirl on Oct 16, 2006 19:33:09 GMT
I feel the rot started in EastEnders when Dirty Den came back from the dead only to be killed again. They should have kept him in it and rode the storm, so to say. It's so dire now I can't even watch it. Honey and Billy? Who cares? I mean really, how am I meant to feel for them when I don't even like them. I watch American soaps. The people are better looking and they foil jewel heists and things. And that's only the Hospital staff at General Hospital. I agree. I loved Dirty Den and they could've always stretched his punishment out a bit by making him have a torrid affair with Pat or something if they didn't feel he'd suffered enough. There needs to be more evil killer twin storylines on Eastenders a la Neighbours I feel...
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Post by schmindie on Oct 17, 2006 0:13:18 GMT
Pauline needs to have an epic demise, something like drowning in a vat (or giant Beale chip pan) of her own bitter bile, maybe being held under by Sonia and Rebecca/Chloe.
Thing is, if she does die we'll have to have a huge funeral (I'm seeing black be-feathered horses dragging her mangled body to the stocks... I mean dragging the carriage carrying her coffin...) and the scriptwriters will have to think of some lame excuse why 'Chelle can't make her own mother's funeral.
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Post by raspberry on Oct 17, 2006 12:54:52 GMT
How about if Helen Mirren appeared as Pauline's long lost half-sister. Once they have the usual denial/conflict/resolution dramas they can settle into life as sisters until Mirren's character's identical twin turns up. The 1st twin is the evil one and is out to kill Pauline, the 2nd is the good one who tries to stop her. Unfortunatly she ends up in an unlikely relationship with Phil Mitchel and is too busy being miserable to save Pauline.
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Post by klee on Oct 17, 2006 15:45:42 GMT
Unfortunatly she ends up in an unlikely relationship with Phil Mitchel and is too busy being miserable to save Pauline. No relationship with Phil is ever 'unlikely'. In Walford it's inevitable. He must have some of the best, longest-lasting date rape drugs in the business. I'm all for soap surrealism. So how about Pauline dies in a freak accident where she disappears up her own arse. Then she could be just like Wendy Richards.
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Post by raspberry on Oct 17, 2006 19:07:46 GMT
I did mean my use of "unlikely" to be read as inevitable. Was it on Lowculture that I read him being described as a bleeding Weetabix?
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booers
Su Pollard
Troppo in love
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Post by booers on Oct 17, 2006 20:04:32 GMT
I can totally understand that Weetabix reference. I used to say that Phil Collins looked like one, as in the cartoon Weetabixes that used to feature in the ads in the 80s.
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Post by Muinimula on Oct 19, 2006 23:14:32 GMT
The sooner they get rid of Pauline, the better. The writers have limited her contributions to calling Sonia a stupid tart, and pretty much nothing else.
Surely she should be walking past Martin's stall when it collapses and drowns her in apples or something.
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Post by Steven on Oct 22, 2006 18:01:18 GMT
I think Arthur should come back as a poltergeist and impale her on a large telekinetically-thrown kitchen knife while telling her what a horrible, ratchet-faced harridan she became after he died.
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