richdidnt
Su Pollard
Rabbit not included.
Posts: 328
|
Post by richdidnt on Nov 20, 2007 9:47:49 GMT
Mike writes Meluas songs based on what's on his calender!! Anyone got a spare copy of the Hollyoaks one?
|
|
|
Post by Nurse Dunkley on Nov 20, 2007 11:42:19 GMT
Why doesn't Katie do the writing instead? A song about vanity would be better than a chapter from 'Hollywood: The History' being sung.
|
|
|
Post by Bungle on Nov 20, 2007 11:43:11 GMT
Kelly Osbourne - Don't Touch Me:
If you could imagine the fucking look on my face, When I finally realized I was a victim of date rape.
|
|
Mike
Su Pollard
"I want a chandelier. A motorised one."
Posts: 382
|
Post by Mike on Nov 20, 2007 12:10:35 GMT
How is it possible that this thread does not contain one mention of the king of awful lyrics, Noel Gallagher? I present the evidence for the prosecution:
"Look into the wall of my mind's eye/I think I know but I don't know why"
"Don't go away/Say what you say/Say that you'll stay/Forever and a day"
"She's got a cousin/In fact she's got about a dozen"
"It's a bit early in the midnight hour for me/To go through all the things that I wanna be"
Though I completely agree with the references to Busted earlier - they were fucking awful. And what about Madonna - she's had some toe-curling moments:
"Get up on the dance floor, everything is groovin' Get up on the dance floor, got to see you movin' Let the music shake you, let the rhythm take you Feel it in your body, sing la dee da dee"
Not to mention American Life, I Love New York, Nobody Knows Me...
|
|
|
Post by zaffra on Nov 20, 2007 15:47:11 GMT
Not that it excuses her, but Katie Melua doesn't write her own songs. It's the work of Mike Batt who wrote the Wombles' musical back catalogue. Wombles thing gets mentioned all the time but I for one used to fucking love the wombles they were ace. Orinoco was my favourite
|
|
|
Post by audrey notwhatsheusedtobe on Nov 22, 2007 15:23:34 GMT
Wombles thing gets mentioned all the time but I for one used to fucking love the wombles they were ace. I was a big fan of the Wombles Christmas Album and listened to it constantly throughout the year, not just at Christmas. I liked the samba-infused 'Banana Rock'. Ooooh lalalala hey banana Don't you step on de skin Ooooh lalalala hey banana Womble all de rubbish, and put it in de bin!Mike Batt has obviously saved all his shit material for Katie Melua.
|
|
|
Post by Nurse Dunkley on Nov 22, 2007 16:58:22 GMT
That doesn't sound very Christmassy, Audrey.
I had a Wombles video when I was little. My favourite was the one when Madame Cholet was coming to live with them and they had to really tidy up.
|
|
|
Post by zaffra on Nov 22, 2007 17:53:17 GMT
I remember them being on Top Of The Pops and being slightly scared of them - they were much bigger than I had imagined and I seem to think they had slightly Glam Rocked their outfits. Madame Cholet played bass.
|
|
|
Post by audrey notwhatsheusedtobe on Nov 23, 2007 13:17:04 GMT
Yeah, I wasn't a fan of the full size Womble either, they seemed just too massive. They even went on tour I think. I would imagine that a real Womble would be maybe one foot tall MAX. That doesn't sound very Christmassy, Audrey. Actually, I think that 'Wombling Merry Christmas' was the only Christmassy song on the album. It was a mental collection of about 50 different musical styles ('Wombling White Tie and Tails', 'Minuetto Allegretto'??). Mike Batt may be some kind of insane genius.
|
|
richdidnt
Su Pollard
Rabbit not included.
Posts: 328
|
Post by richdidnt on Nov 29, 2007 23:55:06 GMT
The song about bikes was lyrical genius compared to that song about wood. If you were a cowboy I would trail you, If you were a piece of wood I'd nail you to the floor. If you were a sail boat I would sail you.It's fun to come up with your own alternatives. If you were on remand I'd bail you If you're taking exams I'd fail you If you were taking drugs I'd jail you If you were the son of God I'd hail you If you were a pre paid envelope I'd mail you If you were a Muslim girl I'd veil you etc Katie Melua sung her own version of this on radio 2, with viewers write in suggestions, and through the wonders of youtube you can listen here: If you were a pool I'd chlorinate you is my favourite new line. I'm warming to Melua that even she gets the fact her lyrics are awful.
|
|
|
Post by Nurse Dunkley on Dec 7, 2007 12:25:49 GMT
Katie Melua is on This Morning duetting with Eva 'Dead' Cassidy. This is DARK MAGIC and she must be stopped from practicing it, especially in front of impressionable housewives, students, and mentally ill.
|
|
|
Post by Steven on Dec 7, 2007 14:24:58 GMT
Katie Melua sung her own version of this on radio 2, with viewers write in suggestions, and through the wonders of youtube you can listen here: If you were a pool I'd chlorinate you is my favourite new line. I'm warming to Melua that even she gets the fact her lyrics are awful. That's my new favourite thing ever. I always forget that she's quite endearing if you remove the bobbins-ness of her actual music from the equation.
|
|
|
Post by Nurse Dunkley on Dec 11, 2007 13:05:12 GMT
Katie Melua's WITCHCRAFT duet with Eva Cassidy is set to be number one this weekend.
No, really.
|
|
|
Post by Robbing the Dead on Dec 12, 2007 1:50:09 GMT
Nikki should have thought of that on X-Factor. I'm singing with Eva Cassidy WHO IS DEAD like my dead dad.
|
|
|
Post by Rad on Dec 12, 2007 20:26:37 GMT
What's the betting they had that lined up for her in case she made the final?
I haven't even heard this Melua/Cassidy record. I suspect it's safe in the confines of Radio 2 and Heart?
|
|
|
Post by mcqueen on Dec 18, 2007 17:56:43 GMT
Worst lyrics ever? Easily this song by R Kelly that was on an old complilation i had when i was a kid. "You remind me of something"
"You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it Something like my sound, I wanna pump it Girl you look just like my cars, I wanna wax it And something like my bank account I wanna spend it, baby"
Its pretty terrible
|
|
|
Post by Rad on Dec 18, 2007 22:11:47 GMT
Wow, R Kelly and Katie Melua should duet on a mashup of the sailboat song and that one
|
|
|
Post by meetthecroppers on Feb 10, 2008 16:44:10 GMT
"Drop your socks and grab your mini-boombox", Kylie Speakerphone.
My arse clenches with embrassment everytime that comes on. And then she repeats it!
|
|
|
Post by mcqueen on Feb 10, 2008 17:09:51 GMT
"Drop your socks and grab your mini-boombox", Kylie Speakerphone. My arse clenches with embrassment everytime that comes on. And then she repeats it! I actually love that lyric (and the whole song). Nu-di-ty however is a total calamity: "Time to strip down Time to strip down Just pop that zipper for me And work that thing out Just expose it Cuz you know it’s, alright (alright)" Really, just terrible.
|
|
|
Post by The Rural Juror on Feb 11, 2008 2:42:40 GMT
I do love Mel C's If That Were Me.
"I couldn't live without my phone, but you don't even have a home"
Touching. It's a shame she didn't follow it with "I'm famous and i'm thin, but you're sleeping in a bin" or "I'm singing on a Spice Girls track, you're giving handjobs out for crack".
|
|
|
Post by Rad on Feb 12, 2008 8:38:39 GMT
Welcome, TRJ. For your username alone, Steven will love you.
|
|
Mike
Su Pollard
"I want a chandelier. A motorised one."
Posts: 382
|
Post by Mike on Feb 12, 2008 19:54:36 GMT
The Rurrrrrrrr Jurrrrrrrrrrr speaks the truth, obviously.
Can we also consign R Kelly's entire back catalogue to Bad Lyric Hell, especially The Remix To Ignition ('it's like Murder She Wrote, when she taking off them clothes' - presumably a late night special where Angela Lansbury gets her baps out) and that one about going 'halves on a baby'.
|
|
|
Post by The Rural Juror on Feb 12, 2008 22:23:43 GMT
R Kelly's back catalogue is a goldmine of dreadful lyrics. He's got a song called The Zoo which actually contains the line "It's like Jurassic Park except i'm your Sex-a-saurus". And another one called Sex In The Kitchen that climaxes with him shouting "girl i'm ready to toss your salad".
|
|
jerriblank
Su Pollard
Watch out Tyra - I'm back!
Posts: 361
|
Post by jerriblank on Mar 25, 2008 15:05:32 GMT
I felt the need to add the rap lyrics to horrendous US remix of Kylie's All I See (featuring the hilariously named MIMS).
"This record got me feeling like Stevie Wonder/What are eyes, something to see with?"
Astonishing
|
|
als
Jane Asher
"you can't be a princess, you aren't even a woman!"
Posts: 130
|
Post by als on Apr 16, 2008 11:14:53 GMT
Having just put the Juno soundtrack on to my computer I've discovered a goldmine! Kimya Dawson's songs are quite sweet but as soon as you actually listen to the lyrics it's quite clear she is decidedly mad. For example: "They think we're disposable, well both my thumbs opposable"
Or...
"And in the sea there is a fish, A fish that has a secret wish, A wish to be a big cactus With a pink flower on it."
But my personal favourite is...
"I was quiet as a mouse When i snuck into your house And took roofies with your spouse ..... I like boys with strong convictions And convicts with perfect diction Underdogs with good intentions Amputees with stamp collections Plywood skinboards ride the ocean Salty noses suntan lotion"
|
|