PetsCulture

[Nurse Dunkley]

This is Nipper. I bought him a few weeks ago because he was really cute and cool.



That is not my hand he is sat on because:
a) My hands aren't those of a 50 year old drunk, and
b) He bites me! All the time and really fucking hard.

I thought when he did it in the shop and made me bleed all over the floor that it was just a 'getting to know you' thing. But it turns out he actually hates me, despite me being the best owner ever. He doesn't chew on anyone else though. In fairness he hasn't bitten me in a week, but that's because I now can't hold him for anymore than 5 seconds without having some sort of minor panic attack. But I'll get over that.

As well as tasting my blood his hobbies also include going on his wheel at 3 in the morning to keep us awake, and falling off the top of his little house.

Do you have any pets?

[Bungle]

This is Rosie, she is the happiest dog in the world. She is my parents', but I see her twice a year.

[The Moog]

Dunkley, to handle a hamster without fear of nipping, do this:

Wait until 7pm to handle it. Hamsters actually tend to be antisocial grumpy buggers at the best of times, but especially when they have just woken up. So let him wake up, snoop around for a bit and then a while later, attempt handling.

Before you pick him up though, do this. Make sure your hands are clean and free from any scent. This includes soap. Then with your hands, pick up some sawdust and rub it through your hands and fingers - this will make your hands smell like "home" to the hamster, thus make it feel less frightened.

Then pick up the hamster gently and hold it carefully in the cage, that way if he does nip, and you drop him, he'll land in the cage safely and not from a great height. Keep attempting this every-night, for a bit longer each time. he will soon learn to love you.

[LoveMusic]

This is Harry:

[Nurse Dunkley]

Those dogs are rather cute (for dogs). Harry looks like he's made of Velour and Rosie looks like she could be handy keeping wood floors shiny.

Thanks for the advice Mr Moog, I will definitely try the sawdust thing next time I am brave enough to hold him. He is really lazy, since he never gets up earlier than 9 unless he wants a wee. I will ignore Junkie's advice, because I still haven't got over running down a cat a few years back so am shitscared of killing him and don't even want to go near him with the Henry in case it accidentally gets switched on. We left him for five minutes on the first night and came back to find he'd eaten about 2 square inches of a houseplant that was next to the cage. He then fell asleep in the corner and refused to wake up so I thought I'd poisoned him in under an hour and nearly cried and tried to make my car-owning housemate drive us to a 24 hour vet.

[mcflooze]

I have a black cat called Calico. I got her from a shelter three months ago and she's the cutest, snuggliest little thing in the whole world.

[pauliepoos]

This was my doggie, Aster, who is now dead.

I won't go into the full details of his lovely little life with us, but it would be enough to get him into the final week on X Factor.

[Deleted]

Two goldifish (Apollo and Artemis), two Albino Clawed Frogs (Trinny and Tranny) and a new baby terrapin (Henry). Also, mine but living elsewhere, a royal python called Anna Wintour.

[Cherubic]

You are just too gay to function.

I've just found the most adorable photo of my cat, well Mum's cat, however you work these things put when you're in your 20s.

Unfortunately I am holding him, and I look rough as, so I'm not letting you see it.

Tp placate you all here is a picture of a panda up a tree I took in China

[Deleted]

The names are rather gay, aren't they? Please note that I only named Anna Wintour because she devoured a baby mouse, who I pictured to be an assistant, when we first met, and Tranny because she kept swapping sex and it got annoying. I didn't name the fish though. Although I did name Henry because he looks like a little old man. Oh fuck, I am a homosexual.

[mackenzie]

This is Benny, the other man in my life.



He is ginger, although you can't tell in this particular photo. I got him in June and he is the absolute love of my life. He lives at home whilst I am at Uni, and when I was home last he had gotten MASSIVE! They grow up so fast, etc etc.

We also have a really old senile incontinent cat called Tigger, who I also adore. And my dad has two Australian Terriers called Fraser and Alfie, whom he loves more than me and my brother. They are very cute also, but I'm not a massive dog fan.

[mcflooze]

Oh, how cute is Benny?!

[Nurse Dunkley]

He looks a bit pretentious and arty. I bet his facebook is full of similar black and white selftaken pictures. But, yeah, he is incredibly cute.


Cherubic, that PandaPic is amazing. It looks like he's waving it you, and perhaps saying 'coo-ey'. Although depending on how you look at it he could also be making a 'wanker' gesture at you.

If we're allowed animals that aren't actually pets, then I would like to show you the cheeriest picture that I have ever taken.

[Cherubic]

ND - I never noticed the wave, I was always too entranced by the Panda anus. Not in the bad way though.

[audrey notwhatsheusedtobe]

See, I also only noticed the wave and not the anus.

Nipper is an ace name for a hamster. I have had loads in my time (I don't kill them all, they just have a very short lifespan). I had one with spikey hair called Punk and a big fat one called Rolly.

My hamster called Steven (don't panic LC Steven, it was actually in tribute to Steve Marriott of the Small Faces who at that time had just died in a housefire) is the one who contacted me via a dodgy medium at my mum's spiritualist church. He wanted to thank me for cleaning his eyes with a damp cotton bud when he got pre-death conjunctivitus. So be warned pet owners, our furry friends are waiting for us in the afterlife! Talking of which, here is the family dog, Gem, who died about a year ago the poor sausage, check the swooshing happy tail:

[FeelsLikeKellyCrabtree]

I have two cats, Barbarella and Oscar. When we first got Barbarella she used to shit on the bit of the curtain that reached the floor almost nightly. This earned her the title "Shitty Kitty".

Oscar keeps trying to shag Barbarella but she dismisses him with a sharp look. She's got a real attitude problem. We think she's a lesbian.



This is Barbarella shortly after we got her, and shortly after she'd shat all over the curtain.

[audrey notwhatsheusedtobe]

Oh no! I have kind of stolen and now lost someone's cat! And now I've just received an email thanking me for ruining some kid's Christmas!

Well, for THREE WEEKS a wee cat has been effectively living with me, staying every night. He doesn't have a collar and always seemed starving, so I put a wee sign up in the pet shop asking if anyone had lost a cat. Someone phoned and said he was theirs, but it turned out he wasn't, so they put him in the Cat and Dog Home. Now I have some neighbour going "Where's my fucking cat?!?! He wasn't lost!" WELL PUT A FUCKING COLLAR ON HIM THEN!

Normally I wouldn't interfere, but it is sooooo cold up here I was worried about him being homeless and I'm allergic to cats so couldn't look after him long term.

Oh man, it's officially the last time I ever take pity on a poor animal at Christmas.

[Nurse Dunkley]

Don't feel so bad, Audrey The Cat Snatcher. One of the mad women that my Dad works with took a cat who kept appearing at the office to get him neutered, and then told the owner a few days later. Really.

Do Hamsters get post traumatic shock? I just woke up to find that Nipper had been going so fast on the wheel of his new cage that he'd moved the whole thing over the edge of the chest of drawers it was on so that it fell a metre and a half to the ground, where it smashed open. He doesn't seem even slightly phased by it, and rather oddly let himself be caught again quite easily. I'd have run from our negligent, hamster-slaughtering hands.

[FeelsLikeKellyCrabtree]

If I were a hamster I would LOVE to love in that!

[pauliepoos]

I'm not a hampster and I would love to live in that too, provided there was double glazing and curtains. And broadband. I like my privacy and internet.

[Nurse Dunkley]

The cage is very cool, and they sell shitloads of attachments and adds ons to make it a bit like FunHouse.He gets his privacy from his little blue house. It has a small chimney and windows, but there is not double glazing and curtains because that would be daft.

He does not seem to be dead, which is a relief. What with a four hour train journey on Saturday it has been quite a stressful few days. I am to Hamsters what Britney Spears is to kids.

[audrey notwhatsheusedtobe]

nursedunkley said:

Don't feel so bad, Audrey The Cat Snatcher.

Heh heh I knicked him back! He likes me BEST!!! I'm thinking of tucking little notes in his new collar for when he occassionally goes home, saying things like "I hate you bitch!" If I use my left hand she might be fooled into thinking he wrote it himself. I call him Bob, becuase his real name is crap:



That is an amazing cage though, in fact it feels wrong calling it a cage, it's more of a hammy funpark.

[Deleted]

Take him to a vets, get him checked for a microchip and then if he doesn't have one, get him one with your name on it. Then you can keep him away from the vile family who have him now!

[Muinimula]

nursedunkley said:

The cage is very cool, and they sell shitloads of attachments and adds ons to make it a bit like FunHouse.

Bring back FunHouse!

And with that, I'm off to bed. At least until I find my camera, take pictures of my cats and contribute to this thread in a meaningful way.

[mcflooze]

I just realised I never got round to posting a picture of my baby, so here she is:



I love her so very very much. Sorry the pic's huge - I'm a computer spaz and don't know how to resize...