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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2008 22:16:15 GMT
Spider season is upon us, and I fucking hate it. I cannot function when near them, as soon as I spot one then I'm gone. I fully blame my parents for this years spider related hysterics, I wanted a kitten to hunt and kill them for me, but they distracted me with a shiny terrapin, just like they did with the rabbits, snails, fish, hamsters, mice, etc etc.
I am now of the mind that I am going to buy a kitten when I go to London, bring it to Manchester and say that I found it on the door step. They're going to go away again this summer without me and they arachnids will invade again and force me to live in one room.
And from this moment on I'm going to wage a war on my parents, and until I get a cat I'm going to make their lives a living hell! I don't care if it sounds brattish, but I begged to go on one of Chester Zoos arachnaphobia courses when I was younger and my bastard dads answer was to say no and then to lock me in the shed until I was in the midst of a panic attack and near passing out. And still he denies me a weapon to fight the eight legged freaks!
Rant over.
P.S. If anyone would like to pop down to my house and give me some Pepsi, that would be wonderful, as there's a spider guarding the fridge.
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Post by lowculture.co.uk on May 6, 2008 22:39:47 GMT
Never mind the spiders, what about all these fucking wasps??
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2008 23:01:37 GMT
Oh don't mention them! Next door had a nest in their loft all last summer, so I'm just praying that they had it removed. I can't cope with wasps and spiders. That said, at least you can buy sprays for wasps, I use up a can of hairspray when confronted by spiders, freezes their legs so I can bash without them dashing.
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Post by [james] on May 6, 2008 23:13:13 GMT
I don't care if it sounds brattish, but I begged to go on one of Chester Zoos arachnaphobia courses when I was younger and my bastard dads answer was to say no and then to lock me in the shed until I was in the midst of a panic attack and near passing out. And still he denies me a weapon to fight the eight legged freaks! Oh that never works. My friend locked his then-boyfriend in the toilet with a mushroom to cure his phobia of them but to no avail. He even gets in a strop if you drunkenly text him 'MUSHROOM!' ...apparently.
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Post by David on May 6, 2008 23:41:42 GMT
Never mind the spiders, what about all these fucking wasps?? And where have all the bees gone?
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Post by David Hunter on May 6, 2008 23:48:33 GMT
He even gets in a strop if you drunkenly text him 'MUSHROOM!' ...apparently. Perhaps he thinks you're commenting on a body part. It's the Daddy Longlegs that get me, with their jumpy leggy dance up the wall and the fact they totally flatten if you bash them then pop back to normal shape.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2008 0:17:14 GMT
Never mind the spiders, what about all these fucking wasps?? And where have all the bees gone? The wasps and spiders have teamed up to kill them!
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Post by FeelsLikeKellyCrabtree on May 7, 2008 6:54:38 GMT
A couple of years ago I spent four weeks with my family in Wexford in the height of summer. That summer will permanently be scarred onto my brain as the Summer of Spiders. I don't think I've ever seen so many in my life. If my aunt and uncle hadn't guessed I was gay by then they certainly knew from the squealing and yelps coming from my bedroom ever morning as I discovered another herd of them creeping around the room. One morning I woke up and there was one on the TV screen. I couldn't even touch the TV from then on just because there had been a spider on it.
Since I moved to Manchester I haven't seen a spider except for when I went on relief in Chester and a big fat one chased me down the corridor (spider, that is, not a compulsive over-eater - although there was one there too).
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Post by Robbing the Dead on May 7, 2008 7:34:30 GMT
I was attacked by a spider in my room yesterday. When I say attacked I mean I was on one side of the room and I saw it on the wall on the other side of the room. And the attack was more me against the spider. Anyway it was a big one.
The bees are dying out of some disease, there was something on the One Show about it. Apparently it's a really serious problem because bees are so important in pollinating
For fuck's sake. On GMTV they are getting people to send in pictures of themselves.... "in the sunshine." Sometimes I really hate this country. OK, if it's been snowing, then that's remotely interesting, because it doesn't snow that often, but who actually thought people would want to actually see other people's grainy mobile phone pictures of their kids standing in the garden in which the quality is so bad you can't even tell it's particularly sunny.
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Post by marknyc on May 7, 2008 7:57:50 GMT
I opened the bathroom door the other day and a spider charged at me. I have not been to the bathroom since.
(The last bit is a lie)
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2008 8:02:56 GMT
A couple of years ago I spent four weeks with my family in Wexford in the height of summer. That summer will permanently be scarred onto my brain as the Summer of Spiders. I don't think I've ever seen so many in my life. If my aunt and uncle hadn't guessed I was gay by then they certainly knew from the squealing and yelps coming from my bedroom ever morning as I discovered another herd of them creeping around the room. One morning I woke up and there was one on the TV screen. I couldn't even touch the TV from then on just because there had been a spider on it. Since I moved to Manchester I haven't seen a spider except for when I went on relief in Chester and a big fat one chased me down the corridor (spider, that is, not a compulsive over-eater - although there was one there too). Where do you live?!? We have bloody huge King and Queen Spiders who then send out their minions to scare me, and then when I've battled them and am close to passing out, then they appear, all 12 million inches of legs on them. *shudder* To make matters worse I've ran out of food for the terrapins so have to go to a reptile shop later, and it's full of the bloody things. They're all in cages but I am always fearful since that fucking goliath spider was perched hanging onto the corner of its cell because the bloody moron decided to throw it a mouse and forget to put the lid back on, in the pet shop near Oldham Street and Tib Street. I'm still getting a cat, possibly a semi-feral one, they can hunt and kill with ease.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2008 8:07:10 GMT
I opened the bathroom door the other day and a spider charged at me. I have not been to the bathroom since. (The last bit is a lie) That's a horrifying thought. Especially if you need the loo. I don't think that there's a room in my house where I haven't been attacked by them. I'll be ready for nervous breakdown number three soon, I can sense them.
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fezza
Jane Asher
I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong
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Post by fezza on May 7, 2008 8:19:53 GMT
I just discovered a large wasp in my bedroom. I have shut the door and if its still there at 6pm Mr F can deal with it.
Hate it when it gets too hot, hate trying to cover my children in sun cream (but they will have plenty to hate me for by the time they are adults, don't need to increase their risk of skin cancer too), HATE wasps and spiders.
When its nice weather I feel like I should really take them out somewhere but am too tierd and gin addled. (the last bit is wishful thinking).
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Post by Robbing the Dead on May 7, 2008 8:39:01 GMT
My most traumatic insect attack was about a year ago when a huge hornet came at me in my room. I killed it with mosquito spray.
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Post by Andrew* on May 7, 2008 8:39:44 GMT
God I am sick of being permenantly frightened. I can't stay in because of the spiders, and I can't leave the house because of the wasps.
I wish the wasps and spiders ate each other.
Last year I came home and there was a wasp in the house. I had the most RIDICULOUS 2 hours of my life sat on the stairs covered in a blanket until I could determine it's exact whereabouts with subtle peaking. I am THAT frightened.
It turned out it was a fly.
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Post by jetsetwilly on May 7, 2008 8:47:44 GMT
Arachnophobes, look away. Or perhaps, if you believe in aversion therapy, look. This made me nauseous, and I don't mind spiders. Someone's confession from the b3ta newsletter a couple of weeks ago, under the topic of "what scares you": I'm 7. It's high summer and I'm on my Auntie's farm, playing with my cousins. The sun is hot, the barn is cool. We are climbing the big, stacked, plastic sacks of animal feed that reach nearly to the rafters. A perfect game, an idyllic scene. Chased to the top, I had seemingly vanished: my lithe 7-year-old frame had posted itself down a 2-foot square gap in the centre of the pile, and slid about 20 feet to the bottom. I was ok. Arms and bare legs scratched but the gap was so tight that my descent was not so rapid. After much laughter and reassurance, the older girls ran to get Uncle Gerard and a length of rope. Alone in the tight dim space, my scratches are becoming increasingly tickly. Then my eyes adjust. I'm coated with house spiders. You saw that coming, didn't you? They were in my long, thick Irish curls. They were in my t-shirt. They were creeping up my shorts. Bare-foot I was stood in an sea of the bastards. They were still abseiling down onto my upturned face, my ears, my nostrils, sticking to my tears. I kept my mouth clamped shut. You know that dry, crackling sound when you rip spider's web? Every movement I made. I was alone and unable to move down there for the longest 10 minutes of my life. I don't remember my rescue, I must have blocked it out. There are photos of me being hosed down by my Auntie to remove them. No-one ran to hug the spider-child. Apparently I did not open my mouth, not even to eat or drink, for almost two days. I did not speak for a week, catatonic, but screamed in my sleep. No-one played in the barn again, not even the boys. I got over it, and maintain just a healthy mistrust of spiders. I don't like the hunch of their legs. But if I get a web stuck over my face... *Shudder*
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Post by SBaholic on May 7, 2008 9:06:51 GMT
A bird flew into my room once, through the "blocked" up chimney whilst I was revising for my A levels. Never been fond of them since.
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Post by Muinimula on May 7, 2008 9:11:28 GMT
I don't care about spiders - there's quite a big one in our living room at the moment, which I only see scuttle across the floor when I'm about to go up to bed. Wasps are horrible. Daddy long-legs are devil's spawn which I detest.
Reason 1 for disliking the hot weather.
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Post by Robbing the Dead on May 7, 2008 9:16:03 GMT
That's terrible! I don't actually mind spiders in general, it's more that if I see one I get worried there are more and at night they are going to crawl on me when I'm asleep. What I hate the most are mosquitos. You know when you're lying in bed and they suddenly buzz round your ear. A bird flew into my room once, through the "blocked" up chimney whilst I was revising for my A levels. Never been fond of them since. My parents owned a caravan at Clacton-on-sea and we used to go there most weekends when I was a kid. One weekend, when we arrived, shortly after opening the door a sparrow came flying out. Turns out it had flown in before we left last time and had been in there all week. It had shat everywhere.
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Post by [james] on May 7, 2008 9:53:42 GMT
I'm quite fond of wasps only because when I was little and on holiday at my grandparent's house in France (every bloody summer! Anyway...) a giant wasp stung my sister and I got given a teddybear for being so brave in the situation.
I tend to leave spiders alone, not because I'm scared of them but a, they're faster than me and b, last time I killed one I stupidly twatted it hard with a newspaper and had spider inside splattered all over the place.
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fused
Su Pollard
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Post by fused on May 7, 2008 10:49:27 GMT
Wasps are the utter cunts of the insect world with their tendency to lay their eggs inside other insects. Apparently gardeners like them for that reason, as they get rid of caterpillars- although personally I'd rather have one butterfly than hundreds of wasps.
My worst wasp sting was when one stung me on my neck, but this wasn't in summer, it was in autumn when they were all dying out.
I don't have a problem with spiders though.
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Post by audrey notwhatsheusedtobe on May 7, 2008 11:03:14 GMT
I have an ant problem at the moment. They're getting in through a little hole next to my bathroom window. Until I can be bothered sealing the hole properly, I'm squirting Cillit Bang down the hole and stuffing it with bog roll, which seems quite effective. Cillit Bang will kill pretty much any creepy crawly - I recommend it. Worryingly, I sometimes kind of like it when the ants break through and I squish them then flush them away. Bastards!
I HATE wasps, but in recent years I have got really good at wafting them out the window with a magazine. The guy I work with panics and makes a big tit of himself when a wasp gets in the room, so I like to act all superior and brave, even though I am petrified on the inside. I've only been stung once, on the hand, and it looked like someone had blown up a rubber glove. I'm convinced I'd go into anaphilactic shock if I was stung again.
Cats are pretty good at chasing and sqashing big spiders. The cat I'm always trying to steal from my neighbour does a decent job.
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Post by Rad on May 7, 2008 12:07:28 GMT
I don't care about spiders (hate wasps and daddy long-legs) but Jetsetwilly's story would be enough to give anyone the fear.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2008 12:21:34 GMT
I don't care about spiders (hate wasps and daddy long-legs) but Jetsetwilly's story would be enough to give anyone the fear. Could you give me the general gist, but without the scary bits, because I'm so tempted to click on the spoiler?
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Post by Rad on May 7, 2008 12:26:40 GMT
Not without scaring you, I don't think.
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