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Post by Robbing the Dead on Jul 19, 2004 21:38:23 GMT
Eastenders was in the news again, after its rating continued to dissapoint. Weren't they as low as 6 million about a month ago? 6 million is amazing for most shows. But eastenders is usually above the 10 mill. mark easily. So lets discuss why its gone wrong, and what can be done help it.
I think the first thing to do is get rid of the Fereras, in a spectacular way. Like a gas explosion in the house, or a helicopter crashes into the house, or the house just random collapses after its foundations are corrupted by their utter borigness and general shitness.
Then they can get a new family in. A Russian family. The Shapovalovs from Novosibirsk. The dad is Anton Il'yevich Shapovalov, who is secretly a bummer. The mum is Yulia Sergeevna Shapovalova, who is Stalin's secret love child. Then their are the gdaughters: Anastacia Antonevna Shapovalova, and Tat'yana Antoneva Shapovalova. They are secretely having an incestious lesbian affair. Then their are the boys Sergey Antonevich Shapovalov, and Vladimir Antonevich Shapovalov, who is secretely Boris Yel'tsin's love child.
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Post by Steven on Jul 21, 2004 11:24:40 GMT
OT, but I did read a fairly amusing story about EastEnders' low ratings yesterday.
Apparently an EE spokesperson said something to the effect of: yes, we got low ratings, but an episode of Coronation Street only got 5.9 million the other day and no one's pointing the finger at them.
To which a Corrie spokesperson promptly replied: what they failed to point out is that the episode in question was scheduled directly against an important Euro 2004 match on BBC One which drew in shitloads of viewers, so we're over the moon that we drew that many viewers away from the football all things considered, and if that's the best comeback the EE people can think of, we're surprised they even bothered.
Hee!
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Post by klee on Jul 21, 2004 11:45:22 GMT
They could try turning the show back into a soap and forget the ridiculous and overplayed gangster storylines.
They could try giving the 3-dimensional characters (ie Pat, Dot) something believable to do.
They could try creating female characters that don't end up: -
i - falling for Phil ii - turn into harpies or drudges iii - leaving because their storylines would prompt Sylvia Plath to say "Cheer up for God's sake".
They could cut out the dead wood. Wendy Richards - this means you!
They could cut back on the catering vans that mean cast members join the show looking reasonably svelte and leave it looking like junior versions of Charlie or Mo Slater.
They could take the damn show off air and do something completely different instead.
I pick the last option, by the way.
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Post by Robbing the Dead on Jul 21, 2004 15:08:24 GMT
Most people say Corrie is better because of its comedy. I think EE has tried to have a go too, but fails. Mo and Mickey try to be funny, but i just don't find it funny. It has nothing on Jack and Vera, Roy and Haley, Gail's face, Lizz's clothes (which she wears in real life).
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Mike
Su Pollard
"I want a chandelier. A motorised one."
Posts: 382
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Post by Mike on Jul 22, 2004 0:15:45 GMT
A major disaster on the scale of Emmerdale's plane crash, wiping out the following characters:
- The Ferreiras. Every last one. - Pauline. 20 years in the show and still can't act for shit. - Andy. The least convincing villain in soap history, including any and all of those who were in Sunset Beach. - Sam. Serves no useful purpose other than to shag her brothers' enemies. Thick as shit. - Billy. Serves no useful purpose full stop. Thick as shit mixed with cornflour. - Den. Bringing him back was probably the biggest single mistake the producers made. Every storyline involving him has somehow managed to be both ridiculously far-fetched and gratingly dull. - Zoe. Quite fit but immensely annoying. A bit like Katie Melua.
That would be a start. Bringing in some new scriptwriters armed with interesting storylines would be a good move. Not bringing back Phil Mitchell would be an even better one, as they ran out of ideas for him several years ago.
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Post by Robbing the Dead on Jul 22, 2004 9:16:35 GMT
A major disaster on the scale of Emmerdale's plane crash, wiping out the following characters: - Zoe. Quite fit but immensely annoying. A bit like Katie Melua. Harsh, but fair. The Melua is Georgian though, which gives her bonus points.
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Post by QuincyMD on Jul 22, 2004 12:05:57 GMT
Harsh, but fair. The Melua is Georgian though, which gives her bonus points. Bonus points to the Evening Standard last week for dubbing Katie Melua : the closest thing to boredom. What Eastenders needs is a new Executive Producer and some writers who can actually convey storylines without it seeming made up on the spot.
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si
Su Pollard
Bad Wolf! No biscuit!
Posts: 460
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Post by si on Jul 24, 2004 9:56:44 GMT
Dot has cancer.
How fucking horrible.
This could be the making of the show again, but so far it's been handled so shoddily, I doubt it. Firstly, to give Dot cancer is just depressing -- surely she's one of the soap's premieres? I can't believe that there are people out there who find her annoying and/or a bad actress. What a vile thing to do to a well loved character. Secondly, she's been a heavy smoker for the life of the show... but she gets cancer of the kidney? There was a chance there to do some proper issue based drama instead of the Trisha-esque who's the father of the baby or dull playing at gangsters. Thirdly, the execution. Yes, they mentioned Ethel so points to them, but when Dot came out of the doctor's office (and why wasn't her doctor Charlie Atkins?) there was no panache in the (supposedly heartbreaking) delivery of her news. Oh Dennis, I've got cancer. Beat. No reaction shot. Dum dum duhduhduhduhduh.
Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish. They're not even trying.
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Post by klee on Jul 26, 2004 9:42:18 GMT
Yet another grade A example of how not to run a TV drama. Do they deliberately employ people who can't tell the difference between a storyline and a kick in the teeth?
One of Eastenders' biggest problems is that things just happen suddenly for no reason and then disappear - take the sodding fairground ride, for example. You can just imagine the script editorial meeting: -
Editor : Right then you lot, we need a storyline with a bit of bite. We're way down in the ratings, the papers are slagging us off and the biggest hit we've had on our hands for the past six months was when Jessie Wallace crashed into the catering van last Thursday. Any ideas?
Drone Writer : We could resurrect a long-dead character who's been holed up in C5 obscurity for best part of a decade. Then spend the next week thinking up ludicrously complicated backstories to explain why he disappeared? And he can get mixed up in organised crime.
Editor: Nah, done that.
Drone Writer : Or we could bring back a character who went away from the Square as a kid, but give her a foreign accent which changes back to cockney as she rediscovers her roots. And she can get mixed up in organised crime.
Editor : Nah, we've done that as well.
Drone Writer : Or we could kill off a 'much-loved' character who hasn't been in the show for years. We could have a funeral and everything, except it all goes wrong when the organisers turn out to be mixed up in organised crime.
Editor : Hang on, there's something fishy about you. (Leans over table and removes PVC face mask from drone writer, revealing Guy Ritchie beneath) Jesus Christ, what are you doing here? We told you to get lost after Swept Away came out.
Guy is escorted out of the room by Pam St Clement and her bull mastiff
Editor : So then, lads. In Mr Lock Stock's absence, who's got anything to say?
Drone Writer Two : How about a ghost train of death and random cancer for Dot?
Editor : Now you're talking . . .
Does anyone else suspect that Eastenders is being run by someone who saw The Making of Acorn Antiques and took it seriously.
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Mike
Su Pollard
"I want a chandelier. A motorised one."
Posts: 382
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Post by Mike on Jul 26, 2004 12:52:49 GMT
Does anyone else suspect that Eastenders is being run by someone who saw The Making of Acorn Antiques and took it seriously. You've just reminded me what the show needs now. An outbreak of earwax, and for the Minute Mart to reopen as a health club and leisure centre. With sunbeds!
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Post by smellslikesomeghost on Jul 26, 2004 23:01:19 GMT
I'm fairly proud to say that I haven't watched Eastenders since Ross Kemp and Patsy Palmer left. Ahhh, Grant Mitchell was enough to make an old feminist such as me think how lovely it would be to have a macho meat head as a partner. I gotover it though, but would possibly tune in again if he did reappear ( O that subtle mix of vulnerability and machismo).
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Post by jode* on Aug 1, 2004 17:11:29 GMT
I just saw the repeat of friday's Eastenders - it was brilliant! Bitch fights rule.
It was great when the Slaters arrived, but they keep letting them go one by one... Hopefully Little Mo will return soon and save the day.
Oh and Babs Windsor.
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Post by Shane on Aug 1, 2004 17:14:55 GMT
Mentioning Kat's "bingo wings".
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si
Su Pollard
Bad Wolf! No biscuit!
Posts: 460
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Post by si on Aug 1, 2004 17:35:57 GMT
Chrissie and Kate was classic bitch-fighting.
I bet you can't even spell NO!
You can run your fingers through her hair... what's left of it!
Too little, too late and not enough guts to carry it off -- Chrissie should've destroyed Kate's hair, not just lopped a bit off.
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Post by Robbing the Dead on Aug 3, 2004 12:42:16 GMT
Did anyone see the continuity error in 'Enders last night? Kat was in the back of the pub putting bright red lip stick on. Zoe calls her, she goes into the front of the pub, and she hasn't got any lipstick on, or just light pink lippy.
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Post by lowculture.co.uk on Aug 3, 2004 12:50:31 GMT
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Post by moondial on Aug 3, 2004 13:30:39 GMT
Eastenders failed to be great again by recycling the old Kat-Zoe mother daughter bonding session. Again. But this time with worse acting. I'm expecting today to be the Kat-Zoe "Kat confesses she slept with Andy whilst bringing up the fact she was abused which is pretty much her answer to everything" show.
Whilst on the other side we had the Cilla, Janice, Les love triangle.
There's no comparison.
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Post by milkmonitor on Aug 8, 2004 12:45:57 GMT
The stupid gangster storylines made me stop watching in the end. They're awful. Andy looks and acts like something out of a pantomime, Alfie has gone from cheeky chappy cockney wide-boy to a sappy pushover. Louise whateverhernameis really should be sacked as writer, the show has gone down the toilet.
The couples are unbelievable as well. Sonia marrying the man who not only killed the so-called love of her life less than 18 months ago but also got her pregnant and promptly wanted nothing to do with her afterwards? Er, yeah, right.
The show is in a complete mess. If there was some Emmerdale/Brookside-style disaster, it would be even worse. The problem is that it's got too far-fetched. Once they brought Den back with a flimsy, out-there excuse as to why he wasn't dead, they thought they could apply the same to other storylines. "Oh you know, we managed to bring Den back from the dead, so why wouldn't a fairground ride go bonkers? Anything is possible in Walford!". Clearly.
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Post by QuincyMD on Aug 9, 2004 15:20:48 GMT
I read in the Sunday papers that Andy is due to be murdered on Xmas day after he has screwed Sam out of all the Mitchell property and then dumped her.
It's going to be another "who done it....."
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Post by Nick on Aug 9, 2004 16:08:48 GMT
They really, really have to stop Big Mo from going on about her piles all the fucking time.
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adam
Slabface
100%
Yeah, Jackie... Who wants to know?!
Posts: 41
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Post by adam on Aug 9, 2004 16:18:55 GMT
Oh I know. It's disgusting.
I think they need to have a good clear out of all the dead wood. Dot should become like, Queen of the Square.
The new family, as pictured in todays SUN (I read it purely for finding shit gossip for work) look quite promising. Apparantly they make the Slaters "look like royalty."
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Post by Robbing the Dead on Aug 9, 2004 16:39:26 GMT
Oh I know. It's disgusting. I think they need to have a good clear out of all the dead wood. Dot should become like, Queen of the Square. The new family, as pictured in todays SUN (I read it purely for finding shit gossip for work) look quite promising. Apparantly they make the Slaters "look like royalty." Is one of them a bummer?
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Post by klee on Aug 9, 2004 16:55:48 GMT
I read in the Sunday papers that Andy is due to be murdered on Xmas day after he has screwed Sam out of all the Mitchell property and then dumped her. It's going to be another "who done it....." Can Eastenders please, PLEASE think of a storyline which involves no death / murder. It's getting tiresome. Why can't the actors in that show just leave? Even death seems to be no barrier coming back (cf Den). What next, Pete Beale appearing on the battlements urging Ian on to vengeance? And why is it that no one in Eastenders, when given a fortune, can keep hold of it for any longer than it takes for a script editor to get bored?
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Post by moondial on Aug 9, 2004 23:17:44 GMT
Don't know but one of them arrives being 13 years old and pregnant. Like Sarah-Lou but apparently this time looks the kind of girl who'd get pregnant at 13.
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Post by Steven on Aug 10, 2004 13:00:16 GMT
The stupid gangster storylines made me stop watching in the end. They're awful. Andy looks and acts like something out of a pantomime, Alfie has gone from cheeky chappy cockney wide-boy to a sappy pushover. Louise whateverhernameis really should be sacked as writer, the show has gone down the toilet. Louise Berridge, you mean? She's executive producer, I doubt she writes any of the episodes. Interestingly though, she was interviewed in (I think) Inside Soap and said that "we're moving away from all that Steve Owen/Phil Mitchell gangster stuff, people just can't relate to it in their everyday lives". Assuming they go ahead with the Andy whodunnit, I give it about six months before they misguidedly bring another gangster character in. What frustrates me about 'Enders these days is that it has flashes of brilliance, but they're too few and far between. And surely it says something that June Brown hates Dot's cancer storyline so much that even she has stopped watched (or so I heard).
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