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Post by QuincyMD on Sept 1, 2004 13:39:07 GMT
Now we've all seen films on TV, DVD, Video etc that are terrible but what is the worst film you have ever shelled out your own hard earned money on.
My top 3 would be:
Heaven and Earth , a Vietnam film by Oliver Stone. Batman and Robin, just dreadful on so many levels. Johnny English, couldn't believe how piss poor it actually was, this was Edmund Blackadder being unfunny.
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Post by zaffra on Sept 1, 2004 13:49:54 GMT
A friend of mine is a big Vincent Cassel fan, I've ended up paying real money to go and see
Brotherhood Of The Wolf - a medieval horror kung fu monster movie. Doberman - gangsters drugs murder and 'french humour'
Although perhaps they were both so bad they were good.
Oliver Stone's JFK - I paid to see this and then fell asleep.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2004 14:05:16 GMT
Me, Myself & Irene.
Fucking dreadful. Ten minutes in and I was apologising to the people who I'd dragged in because I was in my Renee Zellweger phase.
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Lita
Su Pollard
Posts: 270
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Post by Lita on Sept 1, 2004 14:20:26 GMT
Titanic.
Fucking awful, terrible film. How on earth is it the biggest grossing film of all time? It's shocking.
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Post by klee on Sept 1, 2004 15:41:53 GMT
I second Titanic
It was the cinematic equivalent of Princess Diana's funeral: manipulative, sentimental and shrill.
Also: -
Striptease
Christ knows why I even thought this would be watchable. Stripping to Annie Lennox is not and never has been sexy, Demi Moore is a rotten actress and (ugh! ugh!) Burt Reynolds covered in vaseline. The only film I've ever walked out of
The League of Extraordinary Gentleman
It was like watching a game of Consequences that had cost $60m dollars to make. Every twenty minutes they decided to change the course of the film completely.
The Queen of the Damned
The moment when Aaliyah (RIP) opened her mouth and said, in her best Bela Lugosi voice, "I vont for you to suck her blood" sealed this as a pile of poo for me. And why did the director / every cast member think that circling each other with leers on faces was a suitable way to do evil and sexy? Wrong wrong wrong.
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Lisa
Slabface
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Post by Lisa on Sept 1, 2004 19:52:26 GMT
The Gingerbread Man
I think I know what I'm getting with John Grisham adaptations, but actually some are *so* much worse than others. This is the worst - I think Kenneth Branagh does a Deep South accent, but it was so bad I don't feel I should talk about it.
Breakdown
A truck driven by Kurt Russell and his wife breaks down so he sends her off with a stranger to get help, then is surprised when she doesn't come back and he has to fight a band of dirty rotten kidnappers. But that makes it sound more interesting than it is, so just imagine it's about a dog - just a fat dog slobbering around - and then you will be better equipped to picture its lameness.
These are the kinds of films that pass by without anyone paying them attention anyway, so really I am doing them too much of a service to glorify them thus in public, but hey.
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billybathgate
Junior Member
I'm only trying to help you Ro-land
Posts: 63
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Post by billybathgate on Sept 1, 2004 21:28:29 GMT
The Mummy.
I'd just started seeing this guy and we both sat there the entire way through, each of us thinking the other was really into it and didn't want to spoil it by saying what a pile of utter poo it really was.
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Post by audrey notwhatsheusedtobe on Sept 2, 2004 8:18:54 GMT
Rambling Rose
Laura Dern snoozefest.
Freejack
Mick Jagger meets Emilio Estivez in the future.
Cookie's Fortune
Liv Tyler terribility. Zzzzzzzzz
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Snuff
Su Pollard
The Tibble Twins.
Posts: 437
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Post by Snuff on Sept 2, 2004 9:13:57 GMT
Meet Joe Black. Awful on every level!
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Post by Sean on Sept 2, 2004 15:17:41 GMT
Cabin Fever. Stupid, stupid, stupid film that seems to be under the impression it is hilarious and offbeat.
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Mike
Su Pollard
"I want a chandelier. A motorised one."
Posts: 382
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Post by Mike on Sept 2, 2004 15:57:34 GMT
I will second Batman And Robin and Meet Joe Black. Marzi, I switched off Me Myself & Irene within 5 minutes of the start. You deserve some sort of prize for being tenacious/masochistic (delete as appropriate) enough to sit through it all the way.
My choice is, of course, Four Rooms. Four stories set in the same hotel. One features Madonna. None contains any semblance of plot or decent dialogue. Absolutely fucking dire, and (apart from Godzilla) the one and only film I've ever walked out of.
Dishonourable mentions: Vanilla Sky, Unbreakable, The Avengers, Baise-Moi, Days Of Thunder, Big Daddy, The Blair Witch Project and countless others I have somehow blocked out.
And finally....I didn't think Queen Of The Damned (or La Reine Des Damnes, as I saw it in French) was all that bad. Sorry.
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Post by startrak on Sept 3, 2004 6:18:02 GMT
A Clockwork Orange
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Post by klee on Sept 3, 2004 8:52:05 GMT
And finally....I didn't think Queen Of The Damned (or La Reine Des Damnes, as I saw it in French) was all that bad. Sorry. Oh, it was shite on a bike. Maybe I just wasted a little too much of my adolescence on The Vampire Chronicles (they make me cringe almost as much as The Lord of the Rings now), but it was just such a badly conceived film. For the following reasons: - i. As I hinted at in my above post, vampires are (in the book) meant to be sexy, and Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise were in Interview with the Vampire. In this film, they seemed to think leering and constant circling was an acceptable substitute for acting with conviction it wasn't. ii. Given the point of the novels was to take the vampire myth away from the Hammer Horror tradition, why were all the actors encouraged (indiscriminately) to ham it up with "I vont for you to suck her blood" accents? Especially Aaliyah, who as an Egyptian Pharoh(ess) would never have been within spitting distance of Hungary in her life. iii. It was cheap and looked cheap. You could by the way the sets weren't dressed properly. If you can't do it properly, you shouldn't do it at all. iv. Jessie was meant to be a natural redhead a la Nicola GA. Not some Hollywood 'alternative' brunette with a Wella wash-in wash-out burgundy mousse job. v. Where was Armand? Where was Daniel? Where was Anne Rice, for that matter? Counting out her money and cackling in New Orleans, probably. Oh dear, seem to have gotten a bit carried away there. Sorry.
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Lita
Su Pollard
Posts: 270
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Post by Lita on Sept 3, 2004 9:46:30 GMT
Oh! I'd forgotten Blair Witch
Awful, bloody awful. You could tell the whole cinema was restless and bored the whole way through, and then at the end, a guy in the front row stood up, and said:
Was it just me, or was that the biggest piece of crap you've ever seen?
and the whole cinema clapped and cheered.
I've also seen several truly duff films at film festivals, but there are too obscure to mention (or for me to even remember the titles), but I don't mind, because that's part of the fun of film festivals - you never know whether you're going to get a hidden gem of a film or a steaming pile of over pretentious film-school twaddle.
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Post by klee on Sept 3, 2004 9:58:17 GMT
*Traumatic resurgence of suppressed film memory*
Gay film festival nightmare.
Nine Dead Gay Guys! Dearie me, how shit was this? Peddling in idle steretypes, dodgy acting all-round, Steven B(J)erkoff included, that terrible two cans of Red Bull Challenge.
The only good bit was when Carol Decker of T'Pau fame got shagged to death by Steven B(J)erkoff.
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Lita
Su Pollard
Posts: 270
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Post by Lita on Sept 3, 2004 10:01:37 GMT
my worst film festival experience was seeing a film with a german couple, shot on grainy film, arguing in a flat for two and a half hours (in German), about nothing very interesting. In fact, they didn't even argue the whole time, there were lots of long silences where they just looked moodily at each other. I kept expecting something interesting to happen, but it never did.
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Post by Elly on Sept 3, 2004 12:01:41 GMT
Tomb Raider. It was just relentlessly awful, right up until the point me and my friend decided to walk out. It also marked the steady decline of Angelina Jolie, who, to my knowledge, hasn't made a good film since Girl, Interrupted.
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Post by David Hunter on Sept 3, 2004 22:37:49 GMT
Flowers In The Attic
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Post by JJ on Sept 4, 2004 23:32:40 GMT
Freddy Vs Jason.
Utterly boring. Should have been an awesome massive slaughter-fest from the two killers, instead we got Kelly Rowland trying to act all street and a boring subplot about a girl's relationship with her father (please, that was so Nightmare On Elm Street 1). Needed less teenagers talking trash, more killers killing killers.
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Post by Annette on Sept 7, 2004 11:13:36 GMT
Romeo Is Bleeding is the worse thing I've ever paid to see. I still don't know why we sat through it all instead of walking out.
I think Blair Witch comes a very close second though.
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ste
Jane Asher
Posts: 132
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Post by ste on Sept 7, 2004 12:43:21 GMT
Either Spider-Man or AI.
If I'd paid to see The Lord Of The Rings that'd be #1, but thankfully I went on a company outing, and they're meant to be awful, right?
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Post by jode* on Sept 7, 2004 16:00:47 GMT
AI AI AI!
My worst film of all time.
Some films are worse, but that somehow makes them great. This is truly awful.
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Post by audrey notwhatsheusedtobe on Sept 8, 2004 8:10:23 GMT
Oh just remembered - must have blocked the pain of this out - Evita!
It's the only film I have seriously considered walking out of. (And remember that I sat through Freejack.) The first hour was quite funny: i.e. Jimmy Nail; every time Antonio Banderas popped up. Madonna looked very nice, but I was shocked at just how bad the songs were.
Maybe I'm naive, but I had assumed that Lloyd-Webber musicals were so popular because they were slightly good, but the lyrics were excruciatingly embarrassing. I think there's even a line that goes "don't listen to those morons".
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Post by klee on Sept 8, 2004 8:34:23 GMT
The popularity of Andrew Lloyd-two-tunes-per-show-if-you're-lucky-Webber has never failed to astound me. I put it down to the fact that a lot of people seem to me intimidated by displays of musical invention (hence the popularity of Dido and her ilk).
Evita is a rotten show: trite, sentimental and cynical - a bit like Princess Di's funeral. It's also a rotten film - Alan Parker did hmself proud here (has anyone since the '50s actually used the spinning newspaper shot without irony in the way he did?)
Mind you, if this wasn't enough, we've now got the film version of Phantom of the Opera to contend with. Don't know about you, but I can't wait for the trance remix of Music of the Night.
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Post by Angst in my Pants on Sept 8, 2004 12:18:29 GMT
I actually quite liked Evita, even though I'm by no means a Lloyd-Webber fan. Given the material I thought they turned it into quite an exciting film, and Madonna was naturally brilliant.
I'm a complete showqueen and totally share your disbelief at how popular ALW's musicals are. You only have to see any one of Sondheim's shows to see how things should be done and highlight how piss-poor ALW's are.
Ha! There's already one of 'Phantom of the Opera' by Harajuku.
And, much as I'm loathe to admit, it's fabulous.
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