Worst Film You've Paid to See

[klee]

Angst said:

You only have to see any one of Sondheim's shows to see how things should be done and highlight how piss-poor ALW's are.

So so true.

I'm still waiting for Sweeney Todd: The Movie. Given the current climate, however, Martine McCutcheon would end up playing Joanna using her little-finger-off-the-teacup voice and Sweeney Todd would go to Richard Gere.

How ace would Hugh Jackman be as Anthony, though. Now that man can sing.

[Angst in my Pants]

klee said:

So so true.

I'm still waiting for Sweeney Todd: The Movie. Given the current climate, however, Martine McCutcheon would end up playing Joanna using her little-finger-off-the-teacup voice and Sweeney Todd would go to Richard Gere.

How ace would Hugh Jackman be as Anthony, though. Now that man can sing.

Ohhhhh, yes! I went to see the Sweeney Todd production currently at the Trafalgar Studios last week, it was hugely impressive; the actors played all the instruments as well!

[klee]

I saw that as well when it was touring. Ab-sol-utely marvellous. The girl who played Joanna was ace. I loved the way she interpreted the role not as some sort of ingenue, but as a closeted child-woman - a much more psychologically plausible depiction.

There should be more productions of musicals done on this scale. The sound levels were just right for everything to come across. I've seen so many bad productions of shows where the actors have struggled to be heard over a full band.

[Steven]

Cabin Fever

I think this ranks as a particularly impressive mistake, as not only did I go and see a film that I suspected would be dire, but I went to see it in Leicester Square on a Friday night, and hence paid about three times what I would normally pay for the privilege.

Awful, awful film. And offensive in so many ways. Characters using gay as in stupid and not one person ever calling them on it. A script that was probably written after a drug-fuelle orgy of decadence (and not in a good way).

And that doesn't even account for the most offensive scene in my experience of cinema: at the beginning of the film the kids go into a shop run by a ker-azy hick shopkeeper. They ask him what various suspicious items are for, replies come as "that's for foxes", "that's for rats" and so on. They ask what the gun behind the counter is for, "that's for niggers", the shopkeeper replies.

That in itself is sort of offensive, but it doesn't even compare to the moment at the end of the film where a group of black people (the only black people we see in the entire film, coincidentally) walk down the street heading for the shop. 'Ho ho ho, they're in for trouble' we're supposed to think (those of us weren't trying to make amusing shapes out of our nacho crumbs at this point out of sheer boredom like I was), but hilariously the tables are turned and the shopkeeper is all "yo, yo, yo, whassup my niggaz?" and gives them the gun he's been looking after for them.

Just hideous.

[Rabbit]

Films i've wanted to leave the cinema during are - That space thing with joey from friends based on that ace old tv series, Con-Air and Raising Helen

[richdidnt]

School of Rock.

Completely and utterly not funny, not even Joan Cusack could save it, and I even loved her in Toys. Of course the main thing that spoilt this film was that some stupid massively fat people sat either side of me and decided to SIT THROUGH THE WHOLE END CREDIT SONG. I couldn't get out, and wanted to cry. I HATE Jack Black now.

Richard

[jode*]

lsldidnt said:

School of Rock

NOOOOOOOOOO!

Jack Black in old skool rocking mode, and loads of kids who are actually really good. It's great. Great soundtrack in a cheesy way, songs written by Mr. Tenacious D himself. I could listen to his voice all day...

[FWWM]

The Haunting - Eighty million dollars spunked up the wall, and the only mildly interesting part was when the skeleton jumped out of its grave. Death to Jan De Bont.

Equilibrium - My least favourite film ever. It's excruciatingly boring, it has canyon-sized plot holes and it rips off just about every dystopic fable of the 20th century. I really don't understand why so many people like this.

Forces of Nature - I don't remember much about this - in fact I barely remember the title - but I do remember how much I hated it. Sandra Bullock was at least ten years too old for the part she was playing.

The Happiness of the Katakuris - Some films don't travel very well. This is a surreal musical-comedy about a family run B&B in the Japanese countryside where the guests keep dying. Between the song-and-dance numbers are zany scenes of claymation. It's not very funny and it's not very entertaining - it's just weird. The songs sound like Eurovision Song Contest entries from some of the more obscure former Soviet satellites.

[WhiteNoiseMaker]

Johnny Mnemonic(sp?) - what a big old vat of arse this was. Bloody Reeves, bloody lazy visions of a dystopian future, bloody 'hit me' catchphrase. Poo.

Cruel Intentions - the only way I survived this was by recasting all the characters in my head. I can't remember them apart from that Ryan Phillipe guy who was recast as Pat Sharp, and his stupid car was recast as one of those little cars off of Funhouse. I was laughing very loudly when he died.

Goddamn I hate that film! However, I love Breakdown which someone slated before. And as for Wrong Turn, well I thought that was pants but how gorgeous is Emmanuelle Chriqui? Answer: very

[Cherubic]

Roadkill was pretty poor, although the two brothers getting naked was a slight compensation. I especially liked the way that it set up for a line of even more derivative and shit sequels, which were then never made.

"Candy Kane? Candy Kane, this is Rusty Nail, you there Candy Kane?"

[jamie]

klee said:

I saw that as well when it was touring. Ab-sol-utely marvellous. The girl who played Joanna was ace. I loved the way she interpreted the role not as some sort of ingenue, but as a closeted child-woman - a much more psychologically plausible depiction.

There should be more productions of musicals done on this scale. The sound levels were just right for everything to come across. I've seen so many bad productions of shows where the actors have struggled to be heard over a full band.

I am seeing that in a few weeks. Looking forward to it.

Interesting that you say that, the director of this production of Sweeney Todd directed a version of another musical in the same way with them playing the instruments and reviews for that came out the same week as Sweeney Todd. It got awful reviews.

[ladytrol]

I've never wanted to leave a cinema, except during Studio 54. I do realise this might be the wrong forum for this confession.