Dorothy and Rodriguez: Duck rape survivors

[pauliepoos]

Opposite my workplace there's this man made pond thing with fountains which looks very nice, and it's lived in by 2 ducks that we've christened Dorothy and Rodriguez.

They're lovely ducks, they just sit there sometimes and mind their own business in between going for a swim or sitting in the sun and they're just adorable.

But today a horrible thing happened. Another male duck arrived from nowhere (we've christened him Jean-Pierre) and tried to mount Dorothy. It really was quite unpleasant to watch and Rodriguez was trying to fight Jean-Pierre off and Dorothy looked very distressed and between a woman walking past and waving her handbag at Jean-Pierre and my colleague and I having a go with a wet tea-towel they kept flying around across the road, and then back and they just couldn't shake him off. And then they disappeared.

I'm very upset that Dorothy has been assaulted by this cad of a duck, and that her relationship with Rodriguez might be compromised by it. I felt I had to share it with somebody.

[[james]]

Aww, poor Dorothy! Sadly Springwatch wasn't there to record the heinous crime.

Jean-Pierre clearly has been watching too much Hollyoaks. While it might be acceptable in Chester, it won't be tolerate in the duck ponds of Cardiff! Hopefully Dorothy will be ok and won't suddenly change personality and then disappear to either Liverpool or London to stay with a previously unmentioned relative.

[FeelsLikeKellyCrabtree]

Before you know it Dorothy will be sporting highlights, pushing a pram and have an addiction to prescription drugs. Send her to Stoke, it's less of a stigma and more of a requirement here

[Nurse Dunkley]

This thread has made me sad. Do all you can to protect her! Or just kill Jean Pierre.

We had to build special divide in both our pen and our hutch when the rabbit was raping the guinea pig. The noise of Lulu getting bummed into next week by Magic will stay with me until my dieing day.

[[james]]

nursedunkley said:

We had to build special divide in both our pen and our hutch when the rabbit was raping the guinea pig. The noise of Lulu getting bummed into next week by Magic will stay with me until my dieing day.

I'm horrorified just hearing about it. Why does wildlife encourage rape so much?!

[Nurse Dunkley]

jbugle said:

nursedunkley said:

We had to build special divide in both our pen and our hutch when the rabbit was raping the guinea pig. The noise of Lulu getting bummed into next week by Magic will stay with me until my dieing day.

I'm horrorified just hearing about it. Why does wildlife encourage rape so much?!

It was awful. I didn't even tell you about her fur and skin going all manky shortly after, before she died.

Still, Magic was an ace bunny. Rape aside.

[Cherubic]

Rape isn't funny guys. I've seen the error of my ways. Apparently it's a very serious problem and we should all be sympathetic.

My heart goes out to Dorothy and Lulu in this difficult time.

[thelovelykate]

My mum saw a duck rape once - she found it quite upsetting : (

A bit embarrassed to be admitting this (although it was NOT my fault!) but when I was about 10 my friend's Labrador tried to mount me. Thankfully I manage to run away and so avoid inter-species Labrador rape.

[al]

That's genuinely left me feeling a bit disturbed. Poor Dorothy!

Ducks are the greatest birds EVER, and the third greatest overall animal after otters and dogs.

I get serious duck-guilt when I go to the Chinese. It'd be rude not to have the crispy aromatic duck as it's so good, but when I'm munching away at a pancake I get attacked by thoughts of a happy quacking mallard.

[Lucinda]

Duck rape must happen more often than I once thought! Last year, an anti-social flatmate of mine walked into our kitchen and proceeded to tell me all about some duck rape her boyfriend had witnessed. It really depressed me. And caught me completely off-guard, because said flatmate would go two or three days saying nothing more than the occasional hello to me, and then she had to go and tell me about this in full detail. I really just had no words.

Kate, your encounter with that Labrador sounds terrifying!

[Nurse Dunkley]

thelovelykate said:

A bit embarrassed to be admitting this (although it was NOT my fault!) but when I was about 10 my friend's Labrador tried to mount me.

Ha! That has made me laugh so much. Were you quite a hairy child?


I think I will set up a charity for raped ducks. It could be called The Dorothy Foundation, and Joanna Lumley will go on GMTV to promote it, and there will be a satellite link to Cardiff where a blacked out Paul can describe the event to Fiona before breaking down in tears. Mainly because he's talking to Fiona.

[thelovelykate]

Not hairy all over (thankfully, I can't imagine my mum would have let me out in public if I were covered in fur-like body hair!) but I had (and indeed still have) big blonde unkempt hair that I suppose might be quite attractive to a Labrador!

[pauliepoos]

Thank you to everyone who has sent me words of encouragement, donations and sexually explicit photos in an effort to help me get over this traumatic event.

Dorothy and Rodriguez were seen at the beginning of the week and I took my camera in today in the hope of getting some photos to share with the lovely people here who have been so affected by their plight, alas Dorothy was not to be found but Rodriguez was happily paddling around and loved the stale crust of wholemeal bread I took him.

Alas this afternoon matters got more confused, when Jean Pierre arrived in the fountain and seemed to appear and get all pally with Rodriguez, in Dorothy's absence. Now it could just be another duck who looked like Jean Pierre (in the frenzy of last week's rape I may not have got an accurate description) but it looked like him.

I will take my camera in again to share Dorothy with you all but in the mean time, here is Rodriguez (and Jean Pierre).

[[james]]

Rodriquez is rather dashing, he looks how ducks do in cartoons.

Does John Barrowman have an alibi during the duck rapes?

[Nurse Dunkley]

Those have made me smile. I've always said that this site needed more pictures of ducks.

[charlie]

I feel your pain.

I am also going through a similar duck based trauma (albeit a slightly less rape-centric one) after seeing the family of ducklings (Alberto, Juanita, Santiago, Pedro and Martin) that I have been sharing my lunch with over the past month, gradually decimated by cars and various animals who have found them to be a tasty snack. There's only one left now - there have been tears. I will have to harden my heart in future and not get too attached.

After months of lurking it's a duck rape that inspires me to make my first post. Possibly not the best introduction...

[pauliepoos]

There is still no sighting of Dorothy and Rodrigues in the fountain but we are visited daily by two pigeons.

In memory of the ducklings mentioned above, I will name the pigeons Juanita and Martino in their honour.

[charlie]

A very moving tribute indeed - thank you.

[[james]]

I was going through some old photos of me to scan for Facebook and found one of me proving my support and love of ducks from an early age:

[El Capitan]

I sw an elderly giant tortoise being forcibly penetrated by another one at Twycross zoo a couple of years back. I dropped half of my Magnum in shock so I know first hand the pain you've all shared in this thread.

It's good to talk.

[[james]]

lukeyboy44 said:

I sw an elderly giant tortoise being forcibly penetrated by another one at Twycross zoo a couple of years back. I dropped half of my Magnum in shock so I know first hand the pain you've all shared in this thread.

It's good to talk.

I misread that the first time and didn't read tortoise. It makes the story both funnier and infinately more disturbing.

[El Capitan]

I misread that the first time and didn't read tortoise. It makes the story both funnier and infinately more disturbing.

I now have anecdote envy, although I wouldn't want to further belittle the victims of Elderly Giant Rape (EGR).

[[james]]

Roald Dahl missed an opportunity. While not as appealing for kids, BOFG - Big Overly-Friendly Giant would have put an important message out there.

[El Capitan]

He could have spawned a franchise. I smell James and the Giant Fruit as a natural follow up.

[boyboyboy]

thesloppydog said:

Ducks are the greatest birds EVER, and the third greatest overall animal after otters and dogs.

There's an albino duck on the canal between town and University in Nottingham. I christened him "peely wally". I always try to aim particularly well when I throw him bread as albinos normally have crap eyesight. Unfortunately, I usually just end up pelting his face with bread. He doesn't seem that bothered though.