Post by georgie on Feb 26, 2008 14:26:59 GMT
Ok so..I know what I need to do concerning this situation but I am still having concerns/trouble. The backstory is a bit long and waffly so I apologise and thank you if you get to the end.
I moved into a house share about 3 years ago and love it. Got on really well with the longest residing resident. She is early 30s, her boyfriend of a bit over a year is 21 (I'm 22). They argue and when they do, have quite vocal slanging matches. These usually take place in our house as he always seems to be here - which in the beginning, when I thought he was nice, wasnt a problem at all, I'm not against boyfriends staying over for weekends - and this, on one occasion, escalated into more of a physical argument. By that I mean he threatened to kill her and at one point put his hands to her neck and she had to beat him off with straigteners. Which cracked.
So, understandbly, she kicked out the stuff he had at our place (including the precious xbox into the wheeliebin) and I thought that was that. I got really really freaked out that this had happened in the house, when I'd actually still been indoors - its a large house on a few floors and I hadn't heard anything with my music on. So a few months later when he returned I was not one for the chit chat, I made no secret of the fact I wasn't going to talk to him as I think he is a freak.
In October last year the flatmate, who knew I was totally not up for being friendly with him and frankly, didnt want to be in the same room as him, suggested he move into one of our spare rooms. I said no (to which she asked me why?!?!?!?). She basically told me she she would move him in as she had been there longer than me/had first "dibs" or whatever but if it was that much of a problem for me she would move out or he would move in and I would have to suck it up. I'm not big on arguments so I just stayed silent. this turned into treatment which has lasted nearly 4months.
Since then they have still fought a lot, as predicted. This includes him calling the police on her (he has the most amazingly severe paranoia I've ever witnessed which consists of him constantly fretting that he's being cheated on) and then the other weekend he punched a glass panel out of our porch door. The neighbours called the police who apparently turned up for 10 minutes and left. The hole in the door is still there. Nothing has been mentioned about it or about its repair.
Other things to note:
- we've had a new flatmate move in at the end of last year who is now getting very upset/weirded out at being drawn into this whole mess but feels a bit obligated as she kind of new the troubled flatmate before
- I go home to my parents most weekends now as I hate the atmosphere but cant afford to move out
- the place is a steal, massive room, massive house, cheap rent. I do not not not not want to move. I started looking and everything is such a massive downgrade. I'm living in this hell to keep my amazing room.
Basically its gone on for months, I KNOW I need to tell my landlord but bless him, he's old and not good with being tactful if he was to approach the situation with this troubled flatmate.
I dont want to talk to her directly about it as she would have me, even in a verbal argument. I'm not good with confrontation AT ALL and the fact she went silent on me just for voicing an opinion worries me when I think what could go wrong.
If the landlord found out about the situation and said to the flatmate "the boyfriend must not come back in this house" her reaction could be one of the following
a) she would say fine and leave as well (I consider this a WIN situation)
b) she gets rid of him and things go back to normal?
c) she gets rid of him and resents me and my flatmate for "ratting her out" or something. Like I said, I can take the silence. I cant take arguments, comments, remarks, resentment etc.
the new flatmate says she will step in during the next argument and tell him we dont want him here and she keeps telling me we should do that first before I go to the landlord but if that doesnt happen by next monday I'm going to have to speak to the him. What I feel my parents don't get is, yes, I must tell the landlord and fix this mess but I will have to live with the (possible) fall out from the situation. I dont know I'm just getting SO upset with the whole thing, when this guy is in my house I dont even leave my room unless I'm going out for the day. What would people do? Especially shy people like me.
(sorry its long and weird to ask about but I need advice, bahhh)
I moved into a house share about 3 years ago and love it. Got on really well with the longest residing resident. She is early 30s, her boyfriend of a bit over a year is 21 (I'm 22). They argue and when they do, have quite vocal slanging matches. These usually take place in our house as he always seems to be here - which in the beginning, when I thought he was nice, wasnt a problem at all, I'm not against boyfriends staying over for weekends - and this, on one occasion, escalated into more of a physical argument. By that I mean he threatened to kill her and at one point put his hands to her neck and she had to beat him off with straigteners. Which cracked.
So, understandbly, she kicked out the stuff he had at our place (including the precious xbox into the wheeliebin) and I thought that was that. I got really really freaked out that this had happened in the house, when I'd actually still been indoors - its a large house on a few floors and I hadn't heard anything with my music on. So a few months later when he returned I was not one for the chit chat, I made no secret of the fact I wasn't going to talk to him as I think he is a freak.
In October last year the flatmate, who knew I was totally not up for being friendly with him and frankly, didnt want to be in the same room as him, suggested he move into one of our spare rooms. I said no (to which she asked me why?!?!?!?). She basically told me she she would move him in as she had been there longer than me/had first "dibs" or whatever but if it was that much of a problem for me she would move out or he would move in and I would have to suck it up. I'm not big on arguments so I just stayed silent. this turned into treatment which has lasted nearly 4months.
Since then they have still fought a lot, as predicted. This includes him calling the police on her (he has the most amazingly severe paranoia I've ever witnessed which consists of him constantly fretting that he's being cheated on) and then the other weekend he punched a glass panel out of our porch door. The neighbours called the police who apparently turned up for 10 minutes and left. The hole in the door is still there. Nothing has been mentioned about it or about its repair.
Other things to note:
- we've had a new flatmate move in at the end of last year who is now getting very upset/weirded out at being drawn into this whole mess but feels a bit obligated as she kind of new the troubled flatmate before
- I go home to my parents most weekends now as I hate the atmosphere but cant afford to move out
- the place is a steal, massive room, massive house, cheap rent. I do not not not not want to move. I started looking and everything is such a massive downgrade. I'm living in this hell to keep my amazing room.
Basically its gone on for months, I KNOW I need to tell my landlord but bless him, he's old and not good with being tactful if he was to approach the situation with this troubled flatmate.
I dont want to talk to her directly about it as she would have me, even in a verbal argument. I'm not good with confrontation AT ALL and the fact she went silent on me just for voicing an opinion worries me when I think what could go wrong.
If the landlord found out about the situation and said to the flatmate "the boyfriend must not come back in this house" her reaction could be one of the following
a) she would say fine and leave as well (I consider this a WIN situation)
b) she gets rid of him and things go back to normal?
c) she gets rid of him and resents me and my flatmate for "ratting her out" or something. Like I said, I can take the silence. I cant take arguments, comments, remarks, resentment etc.
the new flatmate says she will step in during the next argument and tell him we dont want him here and she keeps telling me we should do that first before I go to the landlord but if that doesnt happen by next monday I'm going to have to speak to the him. What I feel my parents don't get is, yes, I must tell the landlord and fix this mess but I will have to live with the (possible) fall out from the situation. I dont know I'm just getting SO upset with the whole thing, when this guy is in my house I dont even leave my room unless I'm going out for the day. What would people do? Especially shy people like me.
(sorry its long and weird to ask about but I need advice, bahhh)
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