American Idol 2013

[al]

Is anyone else watching this?

Nicki Minaj is easily the best judge this show has had. Mind you, I was in the minority that liked Kara DioGuardi, so what do I know?

The talent is pretty average overall, but Zoanette Johnson is absolutely ridiculous. She's like a cross between Wagner, Makosi and ALL of The Muppets. She plays the drums and makes up songs on the spot and is a complete frickin' fruitloop. I love her.

[Steven]

I AGREE WITH ALL OF THIS. It's a shame that Nicki Minaj has only arrived on the panel at a point when people have stopped watching this show (no, the two things are definitely not related, shush) because she's great. For the first time in ages I feel like we actually have a judge whose opinion means something - that's not to say that I think she's always right, but she has actual opinions which go to extremes rather than just blandly approving of everything like Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler used to do, and that's something that's really nice to have back. Also, she changes her accent every time she gets bored, and that's always fun. Also, that moment during the auditions when she and Mariah had their little fight over which one of them could quote lines from Mean Girls more accurately is guaranteed to be in my Top 10 TV Highlights of 2013, no matter what else happens this year. (For anyone who missed it: Mariah won, and that's all you need to know.)

Also, yes, Zoanette is amazing. I feel like every minute she remains on this show is a level of trolling of the show's audience unseen since the days of Sanjaya Malakar, but I love it. So many contestants on this show are blandly earnest, but she's genuinely unpredictable and brilliant.

Despite having said all of the above, I feel weirdly disengaged with the show this year - I've watched every episode, but I'm always only half-watching it, I'm usually on Twitter or Facebook and only looking up when something interesting happens. I don't know whether I'm just having a bit of singing contest fatigue, or whether it's just that I need the proper live shows to begin, but Zoanette aside, I feel like I barely remember anyone as soon as they disappear off the screen. It doesn't help that they've cut all the hot guys already, either.

[Chris]

Paul Jolley's not bad looking in figure skater sort of way.

[al]

Have you seen the photos of him and his boyfr... I mean, CLOSE MALE FRIEND? They're like twins.

I think he'll do pretty well on the show, though. Not a winner, but likely Top 5 material. I feel like Eyes-and-Teeth Angela is set for a SHOCK ELIMINATION quite early on, much as they're trying to pimp her.

[El Capitan]

I can't take that Angela seriously. I see her as more of a 'Debbie', she looks like a mobile hairdresser from Blackburn. That said, she's one of the only ones I have the time of day for this year. The men are beyond tedious and I reserve special hatred for Curtis, the constant fawning over him and hyperbole about him being AN INSPIRAYSHUN etc is ever more groundless than the judges on our X-Factor queueing up to jump on Jahmene's dick. At least Jahmene saw the value in actually hitting a note once every two or three performances.
Nekci Menij is pretty much making this series right now, she's like an American Mel B.

[Chris]

In retrospect, Cortez Shaw was also pretty fit.

[Steven]

Whatever else happens this year, this season's existence is justified because Nicki Minaj said "penis" on live television for shits and giggles.

UPDATE: Apparently it airs on a delay in America and she got bleeped. America is no fun.