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Post by boyboyboy on Jul 10, 2007 21:34:31 GMT
I'm 25 and never got round to taking my test when I was 17, despite having a million lessons.
I've had a million lessons since then.
I had my first test today, and I failed within the first three minutes (rather spectacularly) on a reverse-round-the-corner. I mounted the pavement ("bollocks, was that a pothole I just hit? I'm out of it now"), tried to correct it ("shit, I don't know what I'm doing"), and ended up diagonally sprawled across two lanes with cars waiting to get by ("I bet they're all pissing themselves"). As you can can read - I also swore several times in front of my examiner.
Now, I'm the king of reversing round corners. I can do them in my sleep. I'm usually singing a "reverse round corners" song in my head when I do them. Sometimes I whistle it. I've don't think I've ever fucked one up.
I haven't told anyone else (not even the bf) that I was taking the test, and so, nobody knows that I've failed.
As a result I've descended into a deep depression of epic proportions. I'm talking Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie levels of angst.
I'm not good at anything. I fail everything. I feel like Cher from Clueless and I'm just waiting for someone to say I'm not worth listening to as I'm "a virgin who can't drive" (minus the virgin bit).
So please, tell me that you didn't pass first time. Tell me that you were similarly devastated. Tell me it's not a big deal- because nobody even knows I've failed so I can't badger anyone I actually *know* for reassurance.
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Post by [james] on Jul 10, 2007 21:38:13 GMT
I can't even drive so you're at least a theory test up on me. Glass half full? You didn't hit anyone and therefore there's no jailtime. You can always retake it - I know people who've retaken it about a dozen times so don't feel Cher-like just yet.
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Tacye Marley
Su Pollard
O Hai. I iz Homofobe nao.
Posts: 404
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Post by Tacye Marley on Jul 10, 2007 21:48:25 GMT
I didn't pass first time. I had about 70 thousand faults after I lost it on a roundabout. The examiner was a fucker and did his level best to make me more nervous, I swear.
I haven't booked a second test cause I can't afford it, but I'm a shit driver and I don't enjoy driving so I've no pressing desire.
Don't worry about it too much. I know it's tempting to feel depressed and go over it in your head but at the end of the day, it's just a driving test, it says nothing about who you are . By not having a lisence you are more likely to walk or use public transport as well, which is healthier and lowers your carbon footprint.
If that sort of thinking doesn't work, get pissed until the shame has passed.
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Post by boyboyboy on Jul 10, 2007 21:48:43 GMT
I can't even drive so you're at least a theory test up on me. Glass half full? You didn't hit anyone and therefore there's no jailtime. You can always retake it - I know people who've retaken it about a dozen times so don't feel Cher-like just yet. Yeah, I might pass second time. If I do, then I'll have failed fewer times than Jade Goody.
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laine
Jane Asher
Doc on a box
Posts: 235
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Post by laine on Jul 10, 2007 21:53:17 GMT
Good luck for next time!
Don't worry too much practically everyone I know has passed 2nd/3rd time.
Just out of curiosity what is the reversing around the cornors song?
x
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Post by Cherubic on Jul 10, 2007 21:54:11 GMT
Most people fail the first time. The only person I know who didn't went out the next day and crashed into the back of someone. And it's not a useful skill anyway; in 10 years you won't be able to afford the petrol for it anyway. So it's no great loss either way.
Get a bike. You'll be fitter and can carry yourself with an air of moral indignation at how unfair the world is.
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Post by boyboyboy on Jul 10, 2007 21:59:55 GMT
Good luck for next time! Don't worry too much practically everyone I know has passed 2nd/3rd time. Just out of curiosity what is the reversing around the cornors song? x It has a nursery rhyme rhythm. If I had a microphone, I'd sing it. "la la la I'm reversing round the corner la la la reverse gear reverse gear la la la Full three-sixty view check la la la Handbreak off bum bum bum going back-waaaaaaards la la la what's over my shoulder la la la check the left mirror oh oh oh i can't see the pavement so i keep turning the wheel oh oh oh full three-sixty view check la la la check the left mirror oh oh oh there's the pavement la la la start straightening the wheel la la la not too much now la la la too close for comfort bum bum bum turn the other way la la la backwards backwards backwards la la la time to stop." (edit for crap spelling and to point out that the la la las, the bum bum bums and the oh oh ohs are interchangeable)
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Post by Rad on Jul 10, 2007 22:08:12 GMT
Everyone should fuck up their first test spectacularly. I did. Although not as spectacularly as a friend who ran a red light in his. I also failed my 2nd and 3rd tests (though the third fail was dubious and I prob should have contested it. That was gutting actually, not just cos I failed when I don't think I should have, but it was A-level results day and I couldn't get pissed. AND it was my last chance before going to uni and starting with new instructors in a new city-which I did, and passed on #4).
My cousin failed five or six tests before passing and my mum failed about eight before giving up.
So don't feel bad... Anyway, if you don't have at least one test fail story you will feel left out during the test failure conversations that people have when they are bored of talking about 80s cartoons and tragic former haircuts.
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Post by boyboyboy on Jul 10, 2007 22:08:34 GMT
Most people fail the first time. The only person I know who didn't went out the next day and crashed into the back of someone. And it's not a useful skill anyway; in 10 years you won't be able to afford the petrol for it anyway. So it's no great loss either way. Get a bike. You'll be fitter and can carry yourself with an air of moral indignation at how unfair the world is. I already cycle everywhere. I just want a licence so it's out of the way while I have the money to do it, and also to share driving on the occasional trip from Nottingham back to Glasgow. Also, I really really really want to go to Alton Towers and have done since I was wee. There's practically no way of getting there early for the queue jump tickets if you go by public transport, and so I'd quite like to hire a car one weekend and drive to Alton Towers. There's also a monkey sanctuary near a motorway that there's no real way of getting too with public transport. I could do both in one weekend. Regrettably, the monkeys aren't dressed up in baby Gap clothes, but they might be wearing nappies.
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Post by Nurse Dunkley on Jul 10, 2007 22:50:41 GMT
Oh poor you, boyboyboy, but don't worry and be upset! Only twisted FREAKS pass their tests first time, like Hitler and my big sister and Ian Huntley. I don't trust anyone who passes first time. Or the second time. The chances are I'll also hate people who pass their tests on the third ocassion after Friday, because that's when I have my next one and I am shitting myself about it.
I love the reversing round a corner song. Parallel parking is my weakness. I failed my first test after my attempted one took five minutes and ended with me parked diagonally across the road wanting to die.
So yes, there is no shame in being a failure. Tell people you took the test and failed, it'll liberate you.
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Post by boyboyboy on Jul 10, 2007 23:04:28 GMT
Parallel parking is my weakness. I failed my first test after my attempted one took five minutes and ended with me parked diagonally across the road wanting to die. nusedunkley, you are my hero. I was surprisingly upbeat after fucking up my reverse round the corner. I think I said "well that was pretty spectacular, wasn't it?" My driving instructor just ignored me, got out a packet of opal fruits, popped one in his mouth and told me to drive on. Cold Bastard. Thanks for all the replies and reassurance. Nursedunkley, Good luck on Friday. Post and let us know how you get on. Are you taking it in Aberdeen or Birmingham?
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Post by Sparkle on Jul 10, 2007 23:08:21 GMT
I'm 27 and can't drive. I'm immensely impressed that anyone ever learns.
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Post by coxy1979 on Jul 10, 2007 23:10:55 GMT
I have failed 4 times (I should have disputed the third - my instructor looked like he wanted to thump the examiner for failing me).
That was about 9 years ago, so I gave up to go to university.
FTW, that's what I say - or move to London - no-one drives here apart from white van men and illegal cabbies
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Post by Nurse Dunkley on Jul 10, 2007 23:13:26 GMT
Parallel parking is my weakness. I failed my first test after my attempted one took five minutes and ended with me parked diagonally across the road wanting to die. nusedunkley, you are my hero. I was surprisingly upbeat after fucking up my reverse round the corner. I think I said "well that was pretty spectacular, wasn't it?" My driving instructor just ignored me, got out a packet of opal fruits, popped one in his mouth and told me to drive on. Cold Bastard. Thanks for all the replies and reassurance. Nursedunkley, Good luck on Friday. Post and let us know how you get on. Are you taking it in Aberdeen or Birmingham? I'm in Birmingham. Busy Birmingham. At 2:30 on a Friday. Friday the 13th. IT CANNOT POSSIBLY GO WRONG. Examiners are cold. The one on my second test reclined the seat so far back that he was practically lying down, and the one on my first kept taking sharp breaths and tutting. I'm hoping for a middle ground on Friday. It's the fact that you have to carry on doing the test, even if you know you've failed after 5 minutes. A mate of mine burst into tears at a set of traffic lights after quickly failing her fourth test, and the examiner had no choice but to take her back.
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Post by somethingbiblical on Jul 10, 2007 23:35:53 GMT
A guy in my year passed his test after he turned 17, after 11 lessons. Needless to say there is no fuckin way I am ever getting in his car.
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Post by SweatShop on Jul 11, 2007 0:46:09 GMT
Everyone is telling me I should be learning to drive at the moment but, when I plan to go to university soon at about 19, and want to live in a city anyway, why does everyone think I need to learn to drive?
It's far too expensive, in my opinion. Some kids my age are desperate to learn to drive but i'm really not that fussed at all.
Sorry about your driving test. If it's any comfort, I only know one person who has passed first time and that was my mother.
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Post by Nicholas on Jul 11, 2007 7:48:35 GMT
After a few lessons when I was 17 (unsuccesful owing to the instructor's tendency to talk incessantly about boxing. Boxing?? I ask you!), I didn't start learning until about my mid twenties. I took five (count them) driving tests. On one occasion I even failed on my birthday:
Examiner: You've failed. Me: It's my birthday. Examiner: You've still failed.
Uncharitable git.
I failed on all sorts of things - including "position in the road". What's that about?
Anyway, once you do pass your test, you will find that no-one will ever give you a lift anywhere ever again (by which I mean members of family) (also uncharitable gits).
I always used to notice at school it was a certain sort - shall we say the more practical children? who passed first time.
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Post by lockjawsghost on Jul 11, 2007 8:23:51 GMT
there's no shame in failing your test, i failed mine first time for doing 45 in a 30 zone. i did pass second time though
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Post by Becky on Jul 11, 2007 8:36:25 GMT
I have a theory on driving tests - they have a certain quota to meet for passing people and after that they just want to fail you. I also think that they have easy tests and hard tests and if they want to fail you they will give you the hard test.
I passed second time. I put in for it again as soon as I came back from the first one, even though you're supposed to check with the driving school first, then checked religiously for a cancellation so I didn't have to wait too long. I ended up taking it again two weeks after the first. I got into the centre, got the same examiner and my heart totally sank. I nearly failed before we'd even got in the car - I had took my glasses off while I was waiting and he asked me to read a number plate over the other side of the car park, so my eyes were adjusting when I put them back on and only just managed to say it in time before he told me off. Anyway, he remembered me from the first time and was a lot nicer. We actually had a good chat while we were going round.
I like driving now. But only when I know where I'm going. I got sat nav so that makes it a bit better (when it's not leading me down buses only lanes). The only downside is that everyone uses me as a taxi now. I'm really behind in a course I'm doing at the moment and trying to catch up but I keep getting asked for lifts - no that's not right, I keep getting told to give people lifts. It's really annoying.
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Post by jetsetwilly on Jul 11, 2007 8:37:32 GMT
I'm 30 now, and I've never even tried taking my driving test. I took lessons when I was 17, ran out of money for them (plus I wasn't very good - ahem), and then (a) I went to Uni and (b) moved to an area with great public transport - I have 4 train stations within a twenty minute walk from my house, plus bus stops everywhere I look. Plus (c) I shacked up with someone who can drive, meaning that (d) I never have to be the responsible one on nights out, and can merrily drink to my heart's content, safe in the knowledge that someone else is going to take me home.
So I'm impressed that you have taken the test in the first place, and everyone's right; think of the anecdotes! When I do eventually take lessons I think I might muck it up deliberately a dozen times just to make the story more interesting.
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Lisa
Su Pollard
Campaigning for the ghostly return of Toby - always my favourite serial killer
Posts: 454
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Post by Lisa on Jul 11, 2007 8:41:01 GMT
I failed the first time and was so depressed, I sat on my door step when I got home and cried with spectacular dramatics. I swore I'd never drive again because I was such a loser, but I did pass second time round - and the mantra has always been 'all good drivers fail their first test'. Try not to worry, I think it's really rare to pass your test 1st time for what I hear - from what I remember it's really surreal to be driving some stranger around, and you forgot what your name is your so nervous. Someone I know has failed 6 times now; in her tests she's driven through red lights, driven too fast, driven too slow, and been shouted at by a bus driver with a bus full of passengers. When my friend Dan was asked to pull in at the next convenient place he stopped on a roundabout. You will pass your test, but until then I think it's natural to hate everyone who has passed theirs.
I hope you feel better soon and get to Alton Towers. Also, whilst it's a long way from Nottingham or Glasgow, Monkey World in Wareham - Dorset - is definitely worth a visit! xx
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Post by audrey notwhatsheusedtobe on Jul 11, 2007 9:44:26 GMT
I have never even contemplated having a driving lesson because I think driving looks too complicated. That, my friends, true loserdome!
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Post by [james] on Jul 11, 2007 10:21:28 GMT
It seems most of lowculture are librarians with crap driving. We've found a new niche audience.
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Post by zaffra on Jul 11, 2007 12:15:17 GMT
Last week I was driving in France - not such a big deal I hear you say BUT it was the first time I'd ever driven in France, The first time I'd driven a manual shift in 15 years and it was about 10 years since I ever drove further than the supermarket.
I was a bag of nerves when I arrived.
I passed my test third time when I was 17, I needed to be able to drive to get to college, the highway code is the book that most changed my life! I have never really enjoyed driving though.
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Post by Nurse Dunkley on Jul 11, 2007 13:00:20 GMT
After a few lessons when I was 17 (unsuccesful owing to the instructor's tendency to talk incessantly about boxing. Boxing?? I ask you!), Oh gawd, that's reminded me of my first driving instructor who had an obsession with socks, sex and my legs. He stank of piss, spunk, and the magictree air freshener and asked all the boys he taught whether we'd let Britney Spears do us from behind with a strap on. Oddly I changed instructors. My current one is ace, although a little graphic - the other week she told me about how she got piles from giving birth, and once she explained why she was late with the line "I was having my smear test".
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