Fucking disgusting housemate!

[KentDan]

Ok I needed to share this with someone...

A few weeks ago I was really late for work and saw there was something trickling down my window. It had the distinct smell of, well, piss but although my housemate's room is directly above mine I thought I couldn't accuse him of something so outrageous.

Anyway, on a particularly warm day yesterday I noticed that my room had started to smell of stale urine, even with the window shut. As my housemate is out, me and my other housemate took the chance to sneak into his room and have a look for clues.

So far, we've found four house glasses with remnants of dry pee in the bottom of them, a coke bottle and a cordial bottle absolutely full of the stuff along with a very orange and streaky windowsill.

Erm, tips and suggestions on this one please...?

Oh and he's a wanker to boot!

[Nurse Dunkley]

Urgh.

When you say he's a wanker, are you describing his personality or has he been shooting his load out of the window and into glasses as well?

You and your other housemate should confront him about it. Point out how unhygienic and downright nasty it is and that if he doesn't stop it, get some new house glasses, and clean your window then you'll both go to the Landlord about him. He might get a bit arsey about you going in his room, but that argument really is trumped by "You've been pissing everywhere".

Or just get him a commode.

[Bungle]

I have to say that I would start by screaming 'ICAN'TFUCKINGBELIEVETHATYOUPISSINYOURROOMANDNOWTHEHOUSESTINKSWHATKINDOFANIMALAREYOU? FUCKOFFGETOUTOFMYSIGHTRIGHTNOW", but that's just me.

[KentDan]

You guys have turned a little house drama into something a lot funnier...

Needless to say, the saga will continue tonight...

[KentDan]

Actually little drama by arse!

He.Poured.Piss.Out.The.Window!

Oh and he's a wanker personality-wise - the streaky orange stains all over his windowsill suggest that there's no other fluids involved...yet

[The Moog]

Worryingly, this sounds just like a guy I went camping with to Reading Festival. For some reason he chose not to use the portaloos at the fest and instead collected his piss in bottles.

The first time he did it, i thought "fair enough, the portaloos are disgusting anyways" but then he didn't pour the piss away. He kept it. And over the next four days, more and more 2 litre bottles full of urine appeared around and in his tent.

The other saw this as a joke, but it was repulsive.

Happily though, on the final night, he was in his tent, peeing into another bottle when he slipped and ended up pissing over the insides of his tent, himself, and the bottles contents soaking into his clothes and sleeping bag. That made me happy, and I made a conscious healthy decision to leave the campsite and the festival at that moment.

As for your flatmate, well, I'd just confront him and go fucking radge at him.

[mackenzie]

Is he a housemate in the sense that you all rent? In which case tell your landlord, I'm sure pissing all over the bedrooms is something he or she would frown upon.

Also, Moog, I shudder to think what your friend did when he needed to do a poo.

[KentDan]

Guys, it gets worse. Me and other housemate were cooking this morning and needed to find the house scissors - as we'd just found out about this he made a joke that 'I bet he's been using them to trim his pubic hair'.

I've just been in the bathroom. The scissors are in there. Covered in pubes.

No word of a lie!


And yeah, we all rent so serious discussions taking place tonight!

[mackenzie]

Ugh. I hope you stabbed him with them.

[The Moog]

This guy sounds a total laugh riot.

Yeah, I'd get the others and have it out with him tonight - take some photos now of the evidence, and then say to him, "Clean it up and stop it immediately, or we're taking it to the landlord right now, and you can discuss it with him"

OR

Tell your landlord anyways. If this guy is a wanker, then what the fuck, get rid.

[Nurse Dunkley]

kentdan said:

Actually little drama by arse!

He.Poured.Piss.Out.The.Window!

Oh and he's a wanker personality-wise - the streaky orange stains all over his windowsill suggest that there's no other fluids involved...yet

He probably saves the jizz for your milk.

GET. RID.

[KentDan]

Definitely up for the latter point - there are a thousand and one more issues that have come up with him so I can't see many alternatives.

Get this - my other housemate had a house party once so the pissing one filmed the aftermath (essentially some wine bottles) and posted it on facebook. We filmed the piss bottles this morning as evidence but don't want to stoop to his level!

[LoveMusic]

Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww.

Change the locks and send him the bill.

[schmindie]

That is so, so wrong. I'd be inclined to hire some cleaners whilst he's out, get them to turn his room upside down and make it spotless, then pack his stuff and leave it on the doorstep along with the bill for the cleaning.

[FeelsLikeKellyCrabtree]

I wouldn't even bother talking to him about it, he doesn't seem of sound enough mind to comprehend why it is wrong. Go straight to the landlord and explain the situation, threaten that if something isn't done then the rest of the house will move out.

[KentDan]

Ok, we've now discovered a patch of it on the kitchen worktop and what appears to be a piss covered base of a blender.

.....

[mackenzie]

Seriously. Why are you even still on here talking about it? You should be using this time to chuck this slimeball's belongings out of his window. If he comes in and asks what you're doing, say "Oh sorry, is this your stuff? I thought it was piss."

[Deleted]

It's a shame that he's male, if he had lady parts you could've been inventive and forced cystitus on him. He wouldn't be so happy to piss all over then.

[Ugly Netty]

Oh dear. I'm sensing mental health issues.

[Robbing the Dead]

Could he be doing all this while he's drunk? The only time I pissed in a bottle was when I was in halls and all the plumbing was broken so almost all the toilets were shut and I couldn't be bothered to trek to the others side of the building at 4am.

Still, he seems to have some sort of problem. Cutting pubes with house scissors isn't that bad really. I've done it before, but I washed them thoroughly afterwards. How do you know him / where did you find him?

[timydamonkey]

Did you suspect anything like this was going on beforehand? Because Nasty.

I would let him know it's not on and why though. Even if this causes him not to room with you, he'll just go do it elsewhere otherwise. This way, least you can say you've tried.

[schmindie]

Can we have an update on Disgusting Housemate? Did you sit him down and unleash hell on him? Did you make him drink all his bottles of piss, clean the house from top to bottom then kick him out?

[The Moog]

yeah man, WE MUST KNOW

[KentDan]

Ok....so yes we sat him down and basically accused him of dribbling pee out the window. He denies all knowledge, stating that the trickle of pee down my window must be rainwater, the cups and glasses on the windowsill had other things in them and the full bottle of liquid on the sill was off apple cordial (even though it had lemon squash on the side).

Anyway, he informs he us he has no intention of leaving the house and now a very unpleasant atmosphere prevails. Funnily enough, he didn't ever say how disgusting or gross our accusations were, nor did he offer to take us to his room to have a look so seriously, what am I supposed to do when he's so clearly lying???

Also fired lots of other stuff at him which was fun if not entirely unpleasant!

[Nurse Dunkley]

kentdan said:

Also fired lots of other stuff at him which was fun if not entirely unpleasant!

Bottles of your own piss? Because that's the next step if he doesn't stop.